As with Hunter's diary, I also planned this weekend to approach the the recent trolling fights. As with Hunter I do not speak for anyone who is charge, and although my postings are few I am a long time user. Hunter's advice is okay, because rules are rules, but I have additional qualifications to mediate between the troll-ee and troll-er, which are vastly superior to Hunter, so therefore my advice is sounder. You naturally would like to know my credentials.
You must know that first, my opinions are always right and if you disagree, you are wrong. In the rare instance my opinions change to coincide with yours, then my brilliance is proven in that my opinions are now correct. I am a self-appointed family matriarch, and have successfully kept a very large and diverse family from killng themselves when we get together. I also have made sure we are often together. Next and most important...I AM the world's greatest mother. I have taken three perfectly ordinary children and molded them into three amazing adults, and besides I have a 28 year old statue in my closet that says I am the world's greatest mother.
Now my advice.... sit down and shut up or go to your room.
There comes a time in your life when you need to listen to maternal advice, instead of just understanding the rules, so...
1.) If the soul validation in your life is receiving the recommended 4's, you need to understand that in no way shape or form can they make you pretty, oh so pretty or witty or wise.
2.) If you are labeled a Troll, it does NOT make you one, unless of course you are homophobic, racist, bigoted, a monkey lord of the underground who is puppet of Beelzebub, or a Republican, then you are a Troll. To better understand let's use a story: You and your cousin Al are arguing over whether the Yankees or the Mets are better. Things heat up and he calls you a frozen shit-ball on a stick. Unless you live in a freezer and have a fly problem it is not true (and unless you are 8 you would not tattle to Aunt Mary for his name-calling)
3.) Troll-rating abuse is often hurled by those of you who say your right to free speech is being stifled. This is to those of you who are upset because you feel your opinion on "{insert inflammatory remark--most often it is that gay issues should not be touched or Lieberman is very very good.}, should be heard. Here is an analogy to help you understand: You and your sister are not just siblings, but good friends. She think she has a small problem with cream filled cakes and is also vertically challenged. Now every time you see her you call a short, fat wench. She slaps you. She slaps you every time you say that to her. Now, my best advice is not to be so insulting to her, but if you must be then grow some calluses on your check and get on with life.
4.) You and another family member (which is what we are on dKos), get into a battle royale...remember this is common in families. First your hair is pulled, then there is some pushing, then someone starts the troll rating. Sigh...we greatest mothers will try and separate you, and even punish you, but it is a sad fact that when animosities are strong there is little we can do until you grow up.
5.) For those family members who feel that the hair pulling, pushing and troll rating has gone to far, and you would like to step in....you have the power! "4's" cancel out "0's"! Wow! You can upgrade. And you can do it without bothering any other adult. See. Easy.
6.) Having TU status is really unimportant in this life. I know you find that hard to believe...but as a mother who is always right...you should listen to me. If you feel the burning need and are willing to work hard, you can achieve this goal. Take a friend (like Jim Beam or Bartyles and James) and sit down, write yourself some pithy observations and amusing anecdotes, set your alarm clock, and post them on C&J (it is best to be one of the 6 posters.)
7.) When you are grown up you will find that smacking a child because he says something you disagree with will only teach that child fear, and more often than not make him more obstinate. You need to educate them so they can grow up to be amazing adults. You can only educate with reasonable discourse. Quit smacking so often.
Now, as a family, if you take my advice, you will be much happier.
