This article is PARODY and in no way should be considered as truthful, accurate, factual or even that funny. ;-)
That's right. Existent yet crazy conspiracy theories will not be included in our nation's history books. I know, I am outraged, too. Though there is no evidence to back up the claims of wacky conspiracy theories, that does not matter. What matters is that conspiracy theorists believe these improbable things, and our children should learn all sides of every issue. In fact, why shouldn't that guy preaching the end of days on your local street corner be allowed to guest lecture in your child's class? He has an opinion and must be heard!
Sadly, the debate between creationists and evolutionists has made headlines, but an equally important debate has been completely ignored by just about every media outlet. Now we all remember what happened on September 11, 1973, I mean, 2001. An America landmark and the innocent victims inside it were attacked by Osama bin Laden's murderous henchmen. Or were we? How will the attacks be represented in our history books, and will it be fair to all sides?
Now the facts clearly prove that the World Trade Center was attacked by members of Al Qaeda. In fact, you would have to be a complete moron to believe that President Bush had anything to do with planning the 9/11 attacks. But I think that our children deserve to learn about both sides of this hotly debated issue. Also, all textbooks need to include a disclaimer saying that, "the idea of a terrorists attacking America on 9/11 is only a theory," specifically because conspiracy theorists would be offended if it doesn't.
So far my idea is only a dream. No school board in America has backed my idea, and I am running out of money. My wife left me and even my friends living in Roswell waiting for aliens to arrive are treating me with apprehension and suspicion. I had to pawn my "The End Is Near" sign and only got five dollars for it. Imagine, this happening to a defender of democracy, who defends those who do not have a voice. But losing everything does not matter to me. What matters is having all sides be heard, but nothing is being done by our school officials to make my dream a reality.
That's right. Existent yet crazy conspiracy theories will not be included in our history books. I know, I am outraged, too. Though there is no evidence to back up the claims of wacky conspiracy theories, that does not matter. What matters is that conspiracy theorists believe these improbable things, and our children should learn all sides of every issue. In fact, why shouldn't that guy preaching the end of days on your local street corner be allowed to guest lecture in your child's class? He has an opinion and must be heard!
Just as some preach teaching creationism in public schools, I think that it is just as legitimate to consider teaching 9/11 conspiracy theories. Let's look at the `facts'. Both of these wacky ideas are improvable. Both ideologies have no facts to back them up, yet they demand that the other side support its argument with evidence, when in reality the vast majority of scientists say that the facts behind both evolution and terrible Al Qaeda attacks can be backed up. A likely story.
Even though 9/11 conspiracy theories and creationism cannot be supported with facts, this is exactly why they should be taught! How can our students learn what is true if they do not learn what is untrue? And who is the judge of what is or isn't true? If the schools can get away with teaching us about gay history and evolution, why can't they include 9/11 conspiracy theories? Creationists have experts with fake credentials, and so do we! Some say I am acting as devil's advocate, but I believe that if we do not include crazy conspiracy theories into our text books, especially ones about 9/11, it does not open up our children's minds to all points of view.
I mean, who has the right to tell me that my child cannot learn about how the stork brought them, or how Santa Claus actually exists, or how Area 51 has actual aliens on the premises? Well, now every decision regarding my child is in the hands of my ex-wife, but still... my point remains relevant. If we teach about how 9/11 happened, we need to teach about how it might have unfolded in a lunatic's mind.
Who knows? President Bush MAY have planned the 9/11 attacks. Of course nobody can possibly prove that he did play a role in planning them, but that is beside the point. The fact is that I should have the right to believe that he did while ignoring all the evidence that is presented to me. I would not want to be made a fool by a textbook that does not include a disclaimer that gives my side equal credibility: I would want my own incredibly inaccurate version of history to be just as relevant as the version of those who actually passed the third grade.
This will be my last article for a while... I am pawning my computer tomorrow. So keep up the good fight. The future of tin foil hats and Giants Stadium (i.e. Hoffa Memorial Stadium) depends on it.
