Why America should relax and learn to love the round ball.
Football is a sport for the masses. Contrast lacrosse.
The underdog can win.
America can win.
America is good now.
People do not hate and/or fear America in this arena.
There is not that much drug abuse.
You can feel morally and spiritually superior to countries after you beat them.
You can shout really abusive things about countries you don't like and not get trolled.
More on the flip or as we say in roundball "on the volley".
Football is not only a game obviously it is much much more important than life or death. To mix two cliches.
The Greatest Spectacle in the world of sport begins on the ninth of June. Already i am gagging for it. I know my team has not qualified(Ireland), I know you can have draws, I know that the usual suspects will cheat, dive, roll, play dead, feign death.
I know that there will be crowd trouble.
I know that there will be xenophobia.
I know there will be bigotry.
I know there will be score settling from various wars.
I know that there will be hate.
I know that there will be love.
It is the "WORLD" Cup after all get with the fucking global program.
But most of all there will be goals. GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL. (shout loudly)
A goal what is it? A goal is the release of a lifetime of pressure. It is the orgasm you have never had nor never will. It is revenge for that long forgotten battle(pathetic i know but still true). It is for that spy satellite you never got back. Or the double agent who double crossed you. It is the two fingers to that Italian girl who all that time you thought she was yours was actually playing away (errrrrrrrr note to self: relax). A goal is a missile launched against the ego of a nation.
Football a game of rhythm and ebb and flow that can mesmerise or hypnotise as well as stupify or petrify.
Football sucks you in slowly you start to take shorter breaths as the game goes on goalless your nails only memories you mourn quitting cigarettes and order another drink you stand up and sit down, your heart is pacing up and down your team seems to be doing it on purpose, you are in the waiting room; Tick tock, tick tock the clock mocks.
They swing the ball out to the wing,
the defender commits himself
the wingers looks to go outside then skips inside,
still lots to do
winger takes a quick glance up no more than a sparrows wink
but it is enough
he curls the ball exocet like on to the head of the striker who body arched like the migrating salmon snaps his whole being into the header the ball merges with his forehead before
WHAM
ball scorches passed the outstretched goalkeepers arms.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.