Rhinestone-covered rocker Markoselvis "Kos" Moulitsas Funiga sneered into the mirror and combed back his greased pompadour. "Try THIS on for size America! Yeee-AYYY-uhhh!" He swaggered out of the fancy bathroom and back to the table of adoring women and other admirers, the gold chains clanking on his neck like a whole machine shop operating 10 tons of metal at once.
Later that night, he appeared in the ballroom at the Las Vegas Riviera, just having finished a successful music and book tour of the U.S.A. (Some of his music was free online at
Moulitsas.com, by the way.) To the wildly cheering audience, he shouted out, in true "Markoselvis" style, "Thankyouverymuch. Thankyathankya", as he scarfed down one of his favorite fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. "If you're looking for trouble," he sneered, "you've come to the right place."
The musical master then launched into one of his big hits, "You Ain't Nuthin but a Hound Blog":
(lyrics and more action below)
"You ain't nuthin but a hound blog
Lyin' all the time
All you liars on RedState
All your blogging is a crime
You're no better than Dick Cheney
And you ain't no friend of mine."
More cheering erupted. "Thankyaverymuch." The star waved at the crowd and threw an orange scarf into the erupting sea of human enthusiasm.
Kos winked at the fans, and whispered, "Now try THIS on for size...":
"Scooter Libby played the tenor saxophone,
Little Rove was blowin' on the slide trombone.
Tom DeLay and ol' Enron went crash, boom, bang,
The whole rhythm section was the White House gang.
Let's rock, everybody, let's rock.
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the jailhouse rock."
The crowd went insane and started tearing up furniture and waving lighters around until the fire marshal began screaming through a bullhorn.
After things quieted down a little, more Kos hits followed, such as: "Blue State Shoes", "Suspicious Minds (NSA Remix)", "All Shook Up (FEMA-Katrina Remix)", and "Can't Help NOT Falling in Love with You" (dedicated to Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin).
It was the concert of a lifetime; and, as the crowds shouted for an hour before (and after) the encore--
"VIVA KOS VEGAS!!!"