I am sitting here somewhere in Berkeley, channeling someone who wants to take control of my keyboard. So here he goes:
OK, first 6:06am this morning, on The Sixth Day of the Sixth Month of the year two-thousand and SIX, and I figured "well maybe if He calls His children home at 6:06pm, they'll be more than happy to snuggle up with their personal savior and a cup of 'blood' after a long day's work.
After all, it's hard being Rapture Ready!
I mean, we Rapture Ready people see the world going to poop all around us. We see the government becoming something akin to a drink driver driving a school bus (that's us) off a cliff.
But we know that sometime today, we're going to be taken away. Taken away I tell you! And all those filthy sinners and blasphemers and sodomites and fans of that turncoat Stephen Colbert (Stephen, God has a very special place for you in hell. And your eternal torment will (sadly) NOT be broadcast on C-SPAN.
OK, Okay! Well today, you say that it's not REALLY the rapture? That instead, someone will unveil themselves as the anti-Christ? Well of course we know that too! Those who follow a selfish, self-centered, egotistical, and nihlistic path where compassion and love and service to community give way to greed and vanity will soon find themselves wishing they had read Ann Cult-er's new book before she too disappeared with the Rapture Ready. After all, it's named 'Godless' and why would someone release a book by that name on this day if they didn't have their finger on the pulse of Jesus Himself! Amen!!!
But then again, maybe if they didn't, just maybe, if they were just using . . .
oh wait a minute!
wait!!!
no!
OH no, I've got to go back to work and tell them I WILL be in tomorrow! Oh no! How will I ever retrieve that horrible "goodbye sinners!" email I sent to everyone I knew who I thought would be 'left behind.'
what the US will become after the Rapture: