I got this from the Clark Blog, by blogger RepForClark
probaly only Clarkies will find it funny though
Good evening Clarkies. This is a little long but I think you'll like it. I was thinking about what might be happening on some of our favorite newscasts (I use the word loosely) when Clark wins on Saturday. I would think it might go like this...
Hello everyone, Wolfy Blitzen here at the NCC news desk with today's new in the Battle for the White House. As usual, I am joined here by NCC Senior political correspondent Judy Woody and from Crossfire, Bob Nofacts. Well, the polls in Michigan have just closed and results are trickling in. With 1% of the precincts reporting, Kerry leads with 94 votes, followed by Edwards with 45, Dean with 37, Sharpton with 22, Clark with 14, and Kucinich with 6. NCC is already projecting that John Kerry will win the state of Michigan by a wide margin. What do you make of it Judy?
Well Wolfy, I don't think anyone doubted the outcome already; I'm just surprised at how large the margin is and how Edwards has already edged out Howard Dean, the onetime frontrunner.
Well Judy, I am most surprised by how bad General Clark is doing. The man is an embarrassment who never should have entered this race. He won't even beat Al Sharpton today.
Well, I just don't know where General Clark will go after today Wolfy.
Thanks Judy. More precincts have now reported. With 10% in, Kerry still leads with 40% of the vote, Edwards with 21%, Dean with 19%, Clark moves into 4th with 15%, Sharpton with 3% and Kucinich with 2%. NCC has already predicted that John Kerry will win the Michigan caucus. Now to Buck Schneider with some exit poll results... Buck?
Well, we're still crunch numbers but so far the polls say that 44% of voters think that General Clark is the most honest, followed by Kerry with 16%. 34% say that Clark is the most likely to stand by what he says, followed by Edwards with 22% But, I guess people are not voting along those lines. We'll have more analysis in a few minutes. Wolfy?
Thanks Buck. Let's update the polls. With 43% of the precincts reporting, Kerry leads with 35%, followed by Edwards with 20%, Dean with 19%, Clark with 18%... Now we're going to go live to the Dean camp where our own Candy Cowley is keeping Watch. Candy?
Thanks Wolfy--I'm here in Flint Michigan where Howard Dean is giving a rousing speech to his supporter. Let's listen in:
And so we are going to go and take over the supermarket! And the Post Office! And Town Hall! And the Jail! And when we are done we'll go and reclaim the school system! Whew!
(yes, only 1): Go Howard...
Yup, lots of excitement and energy here at the Dean Camp. Wolfy?
Thanks Candy. Well, Kerry is extending is lead over John Edwards now, with 55% of the precincts in, Kerry is holding steady at 35%, Edwards down to 19%, Clark passes Dean with 18% to Dean's 17%, and the rest in single digits. NCC has already predicted that John Kerry will win Michigan and solidify his status as front-runner. Judy?
Yes, and it is clear that John Edwards is the anti-Kerry.
Hold on, I need to put more marbles in my mouth... Yes, and once again we see how much of a miserable failure the Clark campaign is...
Ok, we are going to go live to the Edwards camp and NCC's own Suzanne Malcontent. What's going on there Suzanne?
Senator Edwards is also rallying his troops after what he is calling a strong second place showing in Michigan and a clear indicator of his strength over the Clark campaign. Let's listen in.
I'm the son of a mill worker! And none of these other people are sons of mill workers. And I see two Americas, and only I can see that because I am a son of a mill worker. And sons of mill workers know what is best for America. These other guys aren't sons of mill workers so they don't know what it is like to be a son of a Mill worker!
As you can see, John Edwards is on a roll. Back to you Wolfy...
Thanks Suzanne. Well, there has been a surprise in the race. With 70% of the precincts reported, Kerry still leads with 30% of the vote but Wes Clark has narrowed the field and now has 25% of the vote. Edwards follows with 22%, Dean with... What's going on Buck?
Well, it seems our exit polls indicate that we may have underestimated the importance of minority voters in the state. Most of them a whopping 85%, are voting for General Clark.
Thanks Buck, keep us up to date. NCC has already announced that Kerry will win the state of Michigan, and we hear that Senator Kerry will be addressing his troops.
That's a real smart move, Wolfy. He's going to address them in time for the afternoon news in Washington and before their polls close to reinforce his image as the most electable.
(incoherent rant, but mentions Clark twice, probably in a derogatory way).
Let's listen into Senator Kerry addressing his troops...
Four score and 7 years ago today, I had a dream. I was the son of a mill worker, and I had been to the mountaintop. Friends! Washingtonians! Lend me your ears! We need a different standard of leadership in Washington to get rid of those who voted for the war in Iraq and who voted for No Child Left behind. My father died when I was 4 and we had no money. Did I mention I was the son of a mill worker? Friends, I love Michigan, and I hope you treat me as well as they did. And I need your support, so, tells Bush to bring 'em on.
We interrupt Senator Kerry's speech to announce that with 97% of the precincts reporting, General Clark now leads with 40% of the vote, followed by Senator Kerry with 29%, Edwards with 15%, and the rest in single digits. NCC is still predicting that Senator Kerry will win the state of Michigan. Buck, what is going on in Michigan?
Well, it turns out that there were a lot of people who thought Clark was more electable, more honest, and had a better sense of the issues than Kerry Wolf.
Ok, well, with 100% of the precincts in, Clark leads Kerry with 42% of the vote, Kerry with 20%, Edwards with 15%, and the rest in single digits. We here at NCC are still projecting that Senator Kerry will win; although this race is too close to call. That's all for now, now to Larry Queen Live...
Thanks Wolf. Well, Kerry wins another one. With all of the precincts reporting, Clark has 42% of the vote to Kerry's 20%, but here at NCC aren't going to call this race differently than we originally predicted because the race is within the magic 22% threshold. We'll have to wait until the Michigan Secretary of State validates the votes....
Hey, based on what I've seen over the past 2 weeks, it could happen