WASHINGTON - President Bush cast the second veto of his presidency Wednesday, saying legislation to fully legalize masturbation "crosses a moral boundary."
"This bill would support the taking of innocent human life in the name of physical pleasure," Bush said at a White House event where he was surrounded by families who "adopted" frozen sperm not used by other couples, and then used the leftover sperm to have children.
"Each of these children was still adopted while trillions of sperm suffer in deep freeze, and has been blessed with a chance to grow, to grow up in a loving family. These boys and girls are not spare parts," he said.
The president vetoed the measure shortly after it came to his desk, after his now-illegal normal morning rub-off. His position was politically popular among conservative Republicans, and it was sure to be an issue in the midterm congressional elections.
Snowball support
Announcing the veto, Bush was surrounded in the East Room by so-called "snowball" families, those with children born through sperm donation. The term comes from a popular gay sexual activity of passing ejaculate from mouth to mouth through kissing.
"[These children] remind us of what is lost when sperm are destroyed in the name of perverse gay sexual activity. The remind us that we all begin our lives as a small stain on our father's sheets. And they remind us that in our zeal for new thrills and sexual adventures, America must never abandon our fundamental morals," Bush said.
He said the bill would have crossed a line and "once released, is impossible to put back in. Trust me, I've tried"
At the same time, Bush announced he had signed another bill, passed unanimously in the House and Senate, that would allow unintended ejaculation by lobbyist-paid hookers.
Same-party disagreement
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., was quick to criticize the president's veto.
"I am pro-life, but I disagree with the president's decision to veto the Male Ejaculation Act," said Frist. "Given the potential of this enjoyment and the limitations of many males in this nation to obtain legal ejaculation, I think additional hookers should be made available to our sons."
Lobbying effort fails
Pleadings from celebrities, most notably Paul Reubens, aka "Pee-Wee Herman", who's infamous movie theater self-pleasuring act sent shockwaves throughout the Christian Coalition, failed to sway Bush. He acted after two days of debate in Congress, punctuated by stories of personal and family suffering.
(Major sections and format borrowed from AP article dated July 19, 2006 "Bush issues first veto, nixes stem cell bill")
Not only is Bush's reasoning for veto-ing the stem-cell legislation absurd, this fake diary and article show that his reasoning can easily apply to something as harmless as masturbation.