After reading
JuliaAnn's excellent diary this morning, I wanted to take this opportunity to call out ALL Presidential hopefuls because I believe - more than ever - America is ready.
This isn't solely addressed to the usual names - Gore, Edwards, Feingold, Hillary, etc. Rather, this is for anyone who is willing to stand up and take charge, thereby capturing our imagination and ultimately, our votes (well, at least mine anyway).
The moment you get a chance to face Bush in public, you MUST repeat JuliaAnn's words:
1. You are a traitor, a criminal, and a scoundrel. You helped expose a CIA agent, and you lied about what you know and what you did. You tortured prisoners, against the dictates of all U.S. and international law, and you sought first to hide the facts, then to circumvent the law, then to rewrite the law in explicit contravention of the Constitution. These are impeachable offenses, and we will not stop until we see you impeached.
Okay. People will wonder what the hell it is you're up to. And realistically speaking, this is not the issue most Americans care about, which is exactly why you should begin on this note. You're just getting people's attention here. You're just getting warmed up.
2. You are a murderer and a failed statesman. Because of your profound hubris and ignorance, you initiated a war on false pretenses, leading to thousands of pointless deaths. Because of your lack of leadership, you have failed to seek resolution of international conflicts, leading to thousands more deaths. These are crimes against humanity, and we will not rest until you are held to account.
Now you're getting to the goods. The war is on everyone's mind. The media pundits will yawn and pretend that this is old news, but you're taking a stand in front of Bush and holding him accountable for ALL HIS LIES.
But here comes the dagger:
3. You are a greedy, selfish bastard who serves other greedy, selfish bastards. During your tenure, the national deficit has exploded, the U.S. economy has been put in jeopardy, millions of jobs have been lost, and the country's middle class, working poor, and poor have been hung out to dry. Your gifts to friends, in the form of tax cuts, government contracts, and outright graft, have reached corrupt levels heretofore unimagined by even the most heinous of world leaders. We will not relent until balance is restored, your cronies repay their debt to this country, and Halliburton is permanently shuttered.
BANG! Now you're reaching the American heartlands. This is old news for us, but you'll be speaking on behalf of middle Americans. But don't just stick the knife and end it there. Twist it for good measure:
4. You are heartless and un-American. While you picked up twigs in Texas, millions of your fellow citizens suffered and died in New Orleans. Your neglect was monumental and will be reflected in the history books. Your evasion of responsibility, combined with your deceit, have marked you as a worthy object of derision not only in New Orleans, but in every city of every state from now until you finally die. We will not take a moment's rest until we enact fair minimum wage laws, protect Social Security, institute a National Health Care program, and undo the myriad traitorous acts you committed to make agencies like EPA and FEMA serve corporations instead of citizens.
Heartless and un-American. That's the money quote. For years and years, Rove Co has impugned the patriotism of all with dissenting opinions. Turn the table around and question Bush's own patriotism. How American is it to keep feeding the pork while refusing to raise the minimum wage? How American is it to allow a great American city like New Orleans to drown and keep it drowned? How American is it to continue trying to obliterate Social Security just so your corporate buddies can make an extra buck? These are the issues that will most resonate with Billy Bobs, MaryJos and Bubbas who are fed up with paying $3 a gallon for gas while hearing through the grapevine that Exxon just made $10 billion in the last three months. You SO need to go here.
5. You are a moron and a boor. For your voluminous ignorance of fact and history, you shall forever be remembered as The National Dunce. For your inability to cogitate, to reflect, and to articulate, you will be the object of utmost derision anywhere two or more people with even a brain cell between them gather. For your belittlement of the sciences, you will always be the butt of jokes. For what you did to kill the intellectual potential of American children during your dumb, dumb tenure, the men's restroom at the Department of Education will be the only thing named after you. We will not stop referring to you as the Idiot in Chief until we have forgotten you, which we hope will be soon.
6. You are an ill-mannered, slovenly jackass. For your inability to comb your own hair, properly button your own shirt, or to close your mouth while chewing, you shall enjoy vilification on Comedy Central until the year 2108. We will build a small statue showing you in a cheerleading uniform, with your fly unzipped. We may also choose to add a box to your back, so that we remember both the ignorance and deceit you brought to the presidential debates.
Hello Soccer Moms! I know you want your children living in Oklahoma to be safe from all those brown people plotting ways to blow up your corn field, but do you really want this moron as a role model? He ain't speakin' plainly. He just dumb and been dumb!
7. You are a liar and a pretender. Oh ye of the failed corporation, the screwy business deal: you will be immortalized in a movie called "The Fuck Up" which will be shown at every business school, in every chamber of commerce, and at all corporate meetings. Businesspeople everywhere will soon preface every decision with the statement, "Let's not fuck up like that Shrub guy." Also, a special course will be created and taught at Yale and Harvard called "How Not to Fuck Up Like That Shrub Guy," and it will be a required course.
Okay. Maybe you can leave out the "fuck up" part. But he's a liar, liar, liar. Repeat: Liar, Liar, Liar!
8. You are a braggart and a coward. Though you like to call yourself "a war president" and "the decider," you were a frightened, chickenshit young man who hid behind his father and a frightened, chickenshit adult who sacrificed other citizens' children. For this, we will bury you wearing your "Mission Accomplished" codpiece -- on your face. After you're gone, the Department of Defense will get a complete overhaul -- supervised by John Kerry.
Ouch! But nonethelss true and we all know it. I'd add:
Mr. President, you were a cheerleader and still remain to this day a cheerleader who's never done anything but cheered as others went to battle. Is that your definition of a "cowboy from Texas" or are you just a rich boy from an elitist family who likes to play dress up?
9. You are a fake Christian and a real jerk. Because of your fake religiosity, and your astounding lack of respect for other cultures, religions, and points of view, even atheists will refer to you as "the beast." We will not say prayers when you are ill, or have trouble, or at your funeral. After Edward Kennedy and Eliot Spitzer deliver comedic eulogies, we will throw a kegger, and we will laugh and joke and dance.
Okay, the comments after "the beast" are a little harsh (though true) and could compromise the effectiveness of your overall speech, but revealing his "fake" Christianity is the key here. And last but not least:
10. You are a national and international embarrassment. Generations hence will ponder how many votes were stolen, how many dirty tricks were played, and how sure you were that you could subvert the will of the people and the tenets of the Constitution. They will marvel that you thought you had every Republican in your pocket, and most of the Democrats, too -- and that not only could you screw your countrymen, you could screw the entire world. And they'll recall with undying respect and gratitude that a new generation of leaders rose up and stopped your shit. We're not going to take a single pause until we're coming at you from every corner of the country; men and women, gay and straight, old and young, wonky and wily -- new representatives hellbent on the restoration of honesty, clarity, and fairness in America. We're going to build you a presidential library, all right -- a single holer outhouse in Crawford, Texas where Cindy Sheehan is going to place the sole volume: My Pet Goat.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Now, if you were to utter the above comments to the President directly - or in any public setting - you'll first get lambasted and trashed especially by the likes of Hannity, Limbaugh and so on. But no doubt your speech and performance will echo throughout the livingrooms of America. And as they simmer, they will begin to resonate and people will start to identify you as the truth speaker. And if some asshole pundits like Joe Klein nitpick any vulgarity that you may choose to spew, they will be reminded of Bush's foul mouth first and foremost. And in the end, you will separate yourself from the rest of the herds in D.C. and stand out as the voice of the people.
The bottom line is that America - not just us liberals - is ready. So, stop cowering to the pressure of your colleagues, advisors, lobbyists and/or pundits. Listen to your heart and be bold. Stand up and speak up for the silent majority.
You will wake up America. And as you withstand the barrage of criticism from Fox News and their copycats, you will show us and the rest of America that you have the balls to speak the truth and lead this country out of darkness. And you will become the man (or woman) of the people.
We are waiting...