Let me be the first of many to wish our President of these United States, a happy, healthy 60th birthday. Okay, now enough of that sentimental crap.
Since last year, President Syphills' popularity has shriveled up like Rush Limbaugh's dick. And, on this special day, I would like to take this opportunity to reach out to the most powerful and dangerous man in this nation today. I presume he won't be getting any birthday greetings throughout the world. After all, his arrogance has eliminated all of our friends and put us into an island of our own. So, let me be the one from the "loony left" to write our President a birthday greeting.
Birthday Greeting to President Syphills, July 6, 2006:
To Mr. Syphills.
First thing I want to say, you're a piece of shit. For various reasons. The war in Iraq, the erosion of our liberties, the hate-mongering from the religious right, your lack of accoutability, your constant war on the press, I can list them all, but there's something you've done even more to qualify you as a piece of shit. You see, President Syphills, there's been well over 2500 soldiers killed on the basis of your lie, and yet, you haven't gone to one military funeral. Repeat, NOT ONE. Your excuse, "Because which funeral do you go to? In my judgment, I think if I go to one I should go to all. How do you honor one person but not another?" That was you answering the question of a soldier who wanted to know, why haven't had the decency to go to at least one funeral. And your response was a typically arrogant and clueless. "I think if I go to one I should go to all."
To me, that sounds like ramblings of a coward on his last days. Well, to be honest you're a coward. You did go AWOL. We shouldn't expect much from you. You're a smug and vile excuse for a human being, let alone the leader of the greatest nation on planet Earth. Haven't you realize yet, the damage you and your crooked cronies have done to this country already? Isn't time for you to be straight with the American people and say, "yup, I've screwed up big time."
Can't you do us all a favor and quit and while you're at it, take Satan with you (Dick Cheney). The nation would be better off if the likes of you weren't around to complete the remaining 2 years of your last term. We and the world can't wait for your departure. It must come soon, not January 20, 2009.
Now, since it's your birthday, I'm wondering what can we get the most powerful man, who seems to have everything for this special day?
First, how about some whiskey? You need something to calm the nerves. I know, I know, you were an alcoholic, but it's okay to have a drink or two nowadays.
Second, how about a bag of coke? A little snort can ease the nerves during this latest missle crisis with North Korea. All can say is, have a snort on us Mr. President.
Third, how about a year subscription to the New York Times? You obviously believe that the New York Times is a vital threat to National Security, so how about reading the paper once, before you make an ass of yourself in this war you've declared with this newspaper?
Fourth, a DVD of "Brokeback Mountain?" I know you and the religious right hate gays, but, for some reason you like kissing Senator Joe Lieberman, so, you must have a soft heart for homosexuals.
And, finally, how about a dictionary? Something to cure that nasty habit of yours of tripping over the easiest words ever created by mind.
Well, Mr. President, I sincerely hope you have a nice and pleasant birthday. The world is going to hell, but for today, you need to kick up your feet, relax, and ponder the hell that you've been putting us through for the last 5 years.
Happy Birthday, you miserable piece of monkey crap.