I've had it. I'm done. I'm through. I quit.
I thought about merely slinking away and disappearing, but my vanity won't permit that. Plus, having mocked so many of these in my time, I thought I'd give others a chance to do the same to me. Turnabout is indeed fair play.
My explanation is...on the flipside...
See, this is all useless. Not just everything we do in the world--and rest assured it is for 100,000 years from now, none of us and nothing we do will be remembered--but specifically on this site.
It's become more and more apparent to me over the past five years that all the activism and non-violent protesting in the world will do precisely squat. When you're dealing with evil people who have no shame, the old rules of the game don't and, indeed, can't apply if you have any hope for success. Hundreds of thousands of people have marched, millions of letters have been written, tens of millions of votes cast, and hundreds of trillions of electrons expended pontificating on blogs...for nothing. Nothing has changed. Nothing will change. Not unless it comes in the form of something akin to the French Revolution.
We need terror. We need horror. We need the streets running awash in rivers of blood of these thugs and criminals and zealots. Activism didn't prevent 60,000 deaths in Vietnam. All the activism of the Civil Rights era has gotten African Americans precisely nowhere. Segregation may not be the law of the land anymore, but it's still the de facto state of America.
When y'all want to start throwing molotovs and sniping from windows come and talk to me. Until then, I will be content to retire, be a hermit, and laugh at everyone. Even then, I may still just feel like laughing as the world falls apart around me, but at least I'll be willing to listen.
My mental state is collapsing and deteriorating almost daily. It's so consistent you could practically graph it. My life is falling apart at an equally alarming rate, and yet I feel like doing nothing to salvage it. I feel like I'm standing at the bottom of one of the WTC towers, watching it come down on me, floor by floor, knowing I'll be blown to atoms, yet unable to move.
See what I'm talking about? I've gone from cynicism to hatred to sadness in a few paragraphs. I'm a broken shell of what I used to be. Like Humpty Dumpty, I also doubt very seriously if I can ever be put back together. I'm dissatisfied and miserable beyond measure and no amount of medication, therapy, or vacation seems able to change that. That's not the kind of person I want to be for you all.
So, it ends. Just over 4 years ago I started reading Tom Tomorrow's occasional postings to his old website...since then I've been an Eschatonian, then moved away to become a Kossack, and now I'm a front page poster on My Left Wing. I've been honored to know people of staggeringly brilliant intellect and humor. I've been humbled by knowing you. I'm the better for it.
(Let me insert here, for lack of a better place to put it, a personal note to Armando: Fuck 'em, man. If the people who hate you have skins thinner than wet tissue paper, that's not your fault. Keep being yourself...asshole. In fact, let me expand that message to everyone. Just relax, be mellow, and let all the shit just roll off you. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Fuck 'em, they ain't worth the trouble or the worry or even the consideration. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself in all things.)
I guess all I can say in summation is that I hope I've been able to offer you something in return. I hope I've taught you something, made you think or (and this is most important) laugh. I love making people laugh and I find I've been less and less inclined to do that lately. I've been laughing very little myself.
Ah, fuck it, man. Ignore all the negative emotions at the beginning of this.
I love you all.
(...yes, even you. Yeah, and you. Oh, but not you...yeah, that guy over there. You suck.)
Peace be upon you and yours always, wherever the road may take you.
Yours very sincerely and respectfully,
With much love,
P.S. Visit as many Civil War battlefields as you can and maybe donate a little while you're there. They need all the help they can get and you'll be a better person for it. Really. Trust me. Would I lie?
P.P.S. Don't answer that.
P.P.P.S. Tried to make you laugh one last time, see?
P.P.P.P.S This space for rent
P.P.P.P.P.S. Okay, that was the last time.