Earlier today I shared my favorite wombat quote, in a diary that offered "Wombats on a Hydrofoil" in its poll:
In the wombat, we are confronted with a fact, not a theory.
from the inimitable Will Cuppy. That led me to use the internets to find more of his wonderful prose, and I discovered that he may have anticipated much of what we are dealing with today. More below the fold -
* All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.
[Footnote:] Aristotle maintains that the neck of the Lion is composed of a single bone. Aristotle knew nothing at all about Lions, a circumstance which did not prevent him from writing a good deal on the subject.
like some Republican commentators?
The Zebra is striped all over so that the Lion can see him and eat him. Some people say he is striped so that the Lion can not see him. These people believe that the stripes of the Zebra simulate the bars of sunlight falling through the tall jungle grasses and that therefore the Zebra is invisible and that the earth is flat.
they probably also believe there is no global warming
The Three-Spined Stickleback
* The father guards the nest and fans it with his pectoral fins until the children are able to shift for themselves. Then he eats them. [Footnote: He does this because of his altruistic (parental) instinct. The higher one rises in the vertebrate scale the more altruistic one becomes. The higher vertebrates are just one mass of altruism.]
* [Footnote:] A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.
Why does this remind me of some Republican strategies?
The Age of Reptiles ended because it had gone on long enough and it was all a mistake in the first place. A better day was dawning at the close of the Mesozoic Era. There were some little warm-blooded animals around which had been stealing and eating the eggs of the Dinosaurs, and they were gradually learning to steal other things, too. Civilization was just around the corner.
Then there's the law that any person found carrying a Swanhook, the same being neither a Swanherd in good standing nor accompanied by two certified Swanherds, or Swannerds (or Swanners, or Swanmasters), of known probity, should cough up thirteen shillings fourpence, three shillings fourpence going to the informer and the rest to the King. This looked like a fine bit of legislation until it developed that you can't collect from such people. They haven't got it. That's why they're out stealing Swans.
The Ostrich
* [Footnote:] Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A.D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't.
So reassuring to know that ostriches in government are not a new phenomenon...
The Egyptians of the First Dynasty were already civilized in most respects. They had hieroglyphics, metal weapons for killing foreigners, numerous government officials, death, and taxes.
He [Khufu] had discovered the fact that if you tell somebody to do something, nine times out of ten he will do it.
Apparently Bush has been reading Khufu's memoirs...
He [Thutmose III] went to Asia with his army and killed the natives to his heart's content, and stole so much of their goods that Egypt was rolling in wealth for quite a while. Thutmose III was thus one of the earliest exponents of internationalism, or going into other countries and slaughtering the inhabitants.
Unfortunately, not the last...
They [Xanthippus, Aristides the Just, and Themistocles] all won lasting renown by constantly accusing one another of peculation and fraud and calling names at election time.
Pericles was the people's friend. [Footnote: The very poorest citizens had a chance to become President, but somehow they didn't. It may have been just a coincidence.] He was so fond of the people that he paid them to go to the Assembly and vote, and they were so fond of him that they elected him year after year.
Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.
I could name a few...
The Romans were stern and dignified, living hard, frugal lives and adhering to the traditional Latin virtues, gravitas, pietas, simplicitas, and adultery.
Sounds like Republicans...
[Footnote] Carthage was governed by its rich men and was therefore a plutocracy. Rome was also governed by its rich men and was therefore a republic.
No comment.
Taking elephants across the Alps is not as much fun as it sounds. The Alps are difficult enough when alone, and elephants are peculiarly fitted for not crossing them.
Sounds like bringing democracy to Iraq...
Charlemagne lived away back in the Dark Ages when people were not very bright. They have been getting brighter and brighter ever since, until finally they are like they are now.
and if they get any brighter we will need sunglasses.
Whenever he [Charlemagne] decided to help somebody's morals, people would bury their small change and hide in the swamps and forests.
Philip [II of Spain] was a great believer in diplomacy, or the art of lying. He fooled some of the people some of the time.
Which is still doing better than John Bolton...
Other kings let their ministers make their mistakes for them, but Louis insisted on making the important mistakes personally.
Like Bush?
* She was one of the victims of the French Revolution, a thing thought up by some philosophers who wished to make the world a better place to live in. They wanted all the French to be free and equal and happy, and they tried to bring this about by decapitating as many of them as possible.
In 1740 Frederick became King and wrote a book to prove that lying, cheating, and highway robbery are wrong and that true happiness comes only from helping others. He then took Silesia away from Maria Theresa of Austria, who he had promised to protect, and was called Frederick the Great.
[Footnote] It's easy to see the faults in people, I know; and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.
Captain Smith reached Virginia on April 26, 1607, with a number of English gentlemen and some people who were willing to work. Then they all held a meeting to discuss ways and means of civilizing everybody. They made a great many speeches and accused each other of various crimes and misdemeanors and arrested some of themselves as an object lesson, and American history was started at last.
and we've been doing it ever since...
* [Footnote] Great men seem to have only one purpose in life -- getting into history. That may be all they are good for.
They [the Pilgrim Fathers] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.
If you'd like more, the best web collection of Will Cuppy is at Wikiquote: http://en.wikiquote.org/...
and Amazon has most of his books.
Have a great weekend!