Many people were stunned by Joe Lieberman's loss in the Connecticut Democratic primary, and by his subsequent run as an independent. However, as this newspaper article that my "sources" dug up from Lieberman's high school newspaper proves, the Joementum has always moved to the beat of a different drum. History has a way of repeating itself, even when you're a US Senator. Don't believe me? Check out the article below:
Stamford High School Press
May 20, 1960
Rejected at Prom, President Lieberman Vows to Form Own Party
Stamford, Connecticut -- Joseph Lieberman, President of the senior class here at Stamford High, has pledged to create his own party. Lieberman's vow comes a day after the deadline to buy tickets for prom came and went, and Lieberman found himself dateless. Said Lieberman in his post-rejection statement, "For the sake of our class, our school and my pride, I cannot and will not let that result stand." Lieberman vowed to create his own party on the same night as the prom which reflects "real Stamford High values."
Joe Lieberman's inability to get a date for prom is shocking and almost unprecedented. In recent years, Class Presidents have a 98% rate of getting a prom date. However, students of Stamford High grew tired of Lieberman's close ties to rival Westhill High School and it's student body President Henry Shrub. Westhill has dominated Stamford High on the football field for the past six years, and Stamford students are sick of it. Many see Lieberman's attempt to "foster a relationship" between the schools as nothing more than giving in to Westhill, exacerbating the problem. Said one frustrated Stamford High student; "Lieberman sold us out. If he loves Shrub so much, why doesn't he go to prom with him?" A group of particularly committed Stamford High students followed Lieberman around whenever he was to ask a girl for a date, armed with a giant paper-mache sculpture of Lieberman kissing Shrub. Jane St. Claire, a junior at Stamford High, remarked, "I don't care about Westhill. But, when you see his head magnified to eight feet tall and made of paper-mache, Joe's just not very attractive."
Much to the surprise of everyone Don Lament, the head of the A.V. club, got a date for prom. A few short weeks ago, nobody gave Lament a chance of finding somebody to go to prom with, but Lieberman's loss was Lament's gain. Granted, Lament's date is Susie "Crater Face" Walters, but he won't let that ruin his fun.
Lieberman had harsh words for Lament. "If we just let nerds like Don Lament, the head of the AV club, get dates to prom, it will be taken as a tremendous victory by the same people who wanted to blow up these planes in this plot hatched in Moscow. It will strengthen them and they will strike again." A reporter from the Stamford High Press accused Lieberman of hyperbolizing, and suggested that Lament's scoring of a date for prom had nothing to do with the US spy plane shot down by the Kremlin this month. The embattled President, always a class act, fired back, "I know you are, but what am I?"
Lieberman also accused Lament, a well-known nerd, of "hacking his website," but we here at the Stamford High School Press have no idea what he's talking about.