Apparently by cross referencing my information on the DoD government contracting website, an unencrypted VA laptop left on a beach somewhere, my aol search history, local library records, and my DailyKos member profile, I was identified and contacted today. I was asked to pass along a message to the Daily Kos community from George W. Bush himself. I was informed that all comments would be read, but might not be answered. He said he's pretty busy, and his job is hard work. Indeed. So, here goes:
Hello readers of the Daily Kross 'web log'!
My press secretary, Tony "make em eat yellow" Snow, mentioned to me the other day how important y'all are going to be in the upcoming November elections and that I ought to start paying attention. Condi just got me my own computer, so I just wanted to poke my head in here and have a little town hall meeting with y'all, if you know what I mean. The polls are lookin' bad and I don't want any part of my base to think I don't care about em, ya see.
First off, I think it's great that y'all gather here under the name Daily Kross. That's real edgy. Not like those stuffy serious guys Dobson and Robertson. I bet no lefties snoop around in here with all the God talk. And that's where all the political strategizin' Snowjob was telling me about must happen, right? Here in the diaries. On the internets but hidden from view. That's real good. Maybe somebody can tell me though: which part of the Christian Coalition do you guys work with? Ralph 'the mouth' never mentioned starting up a web site like this one...
I want to let you know that I am ok. I know I've sounded a little strange lately on TV. Karl calls it my sloshy voice. In my earpiece he says to me: "You sound sloshy, cut it out." Sometimes I just have to stop for a minute so I don't bust out laughin'. But don't worry, I am not drinkng again.
I have been a little tired though. People are always running up to me, interrupting what I'm doing, saying things like "You have got to do something about the middle east!" or "Could you at least consider thinking about a plan for getting out of Iraq?" or "We can't stall forever on this global warming stuff." Somebody said to me the other day "You need to learn some history." Yeah, like I have time for that. Sometimes they even wake me up at night to tell me about something. Geesh, I mean how am I supposed to get any rest with all this stuff going on?
I'm sure you'll be glad to know, though, that everything is going according to plan. We got a coupla real winners on the supreme court. They're gonna keep on giving for 20, 30 years, long after I've sold that damn ranch and retired. I've pretty well bankrupted the government so all those social programs are gonna go bye bye just like you want. If they need help, then they don't deserve it, right? Plus, as a bonus, we got the end times a comin. Between wars, global warming, epidemics, and a nice economic collapse, who can argue that I'm not armageddon it. Heh Heh. Can I get an amen? [a bit of friendly advice: just in case you get left behind, try to wrangle up all the money you can asap. Anything but dollars will work fine]
So, anyway, enough about me. I came here to hear from you, my base. I am lookin' forward to gettin' to know you. I think it'll be a good conversation. What can I do to make you get out there and vote republican in November? Come on, don't hold back, get it off yer chest!
Oh, and, I almost forgot. WE WERE ATTACKED ON 9/11 AND SO WE HAD TO GO INTO IRAQ. WE ARE AT WAR WITH VICIOUS KILLERS!
God Bless the USA.
Who wants to let me know what's on their mind? You, there with the Dell, go ahead...