BREAKING: Washington DC - A top presidential aid leaked earlier today that President Bush has been meeting with a committee of spiritual and moral advisers on the topics of show trials, and torture.
One adviser is reported to have responded to the president's questions with, "Well; if it was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for terrorists." This statement was said to have brought on discussion about whether torture was too good for terrorists, and if there was anything worse than torture that could be used against them.
Bush conceded with advisers that it was only moral for all nails, swords, and other items used to puncture skin, to be sterilized. Show trial judges would be allowed one bowl of water in the court room, in which they could wash their hands should they find them dirty. The meeting concluded with the Bush administration firmly holding ground that due to budget constraints, last suppers of bread and wine would not be provided.
The White House is already in negotiations with FOX for exclusive broadcast rights. The FCC has said that the trials could be shown on daytime TV, but torture could only be aired after 11:00 pm with a disclaimer that the program may contain partial nudity.
... COMING THIS FALL ON FOX! Survivor: Torture Island!