I was a big fan of "24" when it started up five years ago. It was new, it was different, and more important than anything else, it was good. It held my attention, and even if the "real time" thing occasionally broke down (getting across Los Angeles in rush hour and finding a parking space in 10 minutes? yeah, THAT'll happen), the twists and turns of the story always kept me watching.
Even as the right-wing veneration of the show became evident (it still grosses me out to watch Rush Limbaugh plant one on Chloe ---eeeew), I continued to watch.
Not anymore, though. I've reached the end. Follow me and I'll tell you why.
Look, it's no secret these days that the right-wing freaks think 24 is a template for reality, and Jack Bauer is God. It's really symptomatic of one of the worst aspects of conservative thought on blogs: "I may be a pasty-faced, orange-fingered, light-saber wielding geek, but by God, that [fill in your favorite TV, movie or fantasy character here], he [it's always a he, have you noticed?] is just what this country needs right now: a real American hero." Whether it's Aragorn or Luke Skywalker or Jack Bauer, conservative bloggers find the actual state of America wanting, and fill in their fantasies with fantasy characters. If only reality could be more like my Dungeons & Dragons game, this country would be returned to the greatness that I believe existed before those awful hippies ruined everything in the 1960s. On the other hand, every now and then someone tries to get cute, and you get bizarre shit like this, arguing that really, the Star Wars Empire was better than the Republic (nasty bureaucrats and corrupt politicians, don't you know?)
But back to Jack Bauer. He's a real hero. Hell, he's the freakin' ultimate Green Lantern. Just a few examples will suffice.
Laura Ingraham thinks the popularity of 24 is a "national referendum" on torture. Stephen Moore of the Wall Street Journal thinks that Jack Bauer should run the CIA. Some guy named Gary thinks that Jack Bauer is a believer in the unitary executive theory of government.
Patrick Buchanan actually wrote an article called What Would Jack Bauer Do?, with respect to the NSA revelations earlier this year. Apparently, one of the things Jack Bauer wouldn't do is vote for Democrats in the mid-term elections.
This guy actually thinks that any theme on 24 that isn't pure wingnuttery is a betrayal of the purpose of the show.
OK, fine, that's great. But I live in the reality-based community, so what these freaks think or say doesn't matter to me. If the show is good, I can ignore all of the weirdness and enjoy it for what it is -- good old-fashioned over the top entertainment.
Well, according to today's Washington Post, the show's producers have apparently bought into the right-wing idolatry just a little too much. Here's a taste of what's to come starting tomorrow night:
Heaven knows, agent Jack Bauer has had some tough days and nights in the five previous seasons of "24," but things promise to get even rougher in Season 6, beginning tomorrow night.
Rough for Jack, sure. But even rougher for viewers.
Fox's gritty hit has always pushed the boundaries of permissible TV mayhem (this is a show, after all, in which the hero hacksawed off a dead guy's head). Fair enough: No one expects a suspense drama about a team of counterterrorism agents to be "Swan Lake." But the new "24" now seems to be closing in on the limits of movie mayhem.
To escape from his captors in the first hour of the new season, a manacled Jack (Kiefer Sutherland, ever intense and husky of voice) kills an adversary by biting him on the neck. And not just any old Dracula, I-vant-to-suck-your-blood kind of bite on the neck. The death-by-molars scene is played in close-up, with gurgling, grunting, ripping and tearing noises filling the soundtrack. It's topped off by Jack spitting out a big ol' piece of his victim.
Ptooey.
That is preceded by one of "24's" more gruesome torture sequences (which make up a voluminous category, admittedly). After pounding Jack nearly comatose, the new season's designated Evil Terrorist Mastermind (Adoni Maropis) gouges Jack's shoulder blade and pours some kind of acid into the oozing wound. Then he jams what appears to be a humongous knitting needle into the base of Jack's spine.
All that happens before 7 a.m., at least in "24" time. Can't a man at least enjoy a cup of coffee before facing his workday?
Does anyone have any doubt that, before the season is over, Jack Bauer will have his revenge on his tormenter? In even more gruesome and gory fashion? And that such torture will be done in the name of national security, to thwart some evil plot that involves a ticking bomb or some other countdown device? And that the increasingly desperate and absurd right-wing bloggers now looking at the Boer War for their ideas will cling to Jack Bauer's antics like a life preserver?
I have no doubt whatsoever.
Now, let me be clear. I have no problem with violence in entertainment. None at all. If it's part of the story, if it fits, fine, go with it. And I have no problem with political subtext -- I can love it or ignore it as I see fit, I'm a big boy who can make my own decisions.
But given the history of this show's veneration by right-wing blogs and commentators, this new season appears pretty clearly designed to both appeal to these freaks and to take sides in the ongoing hot-button debates: Guantanamo, rendition, the use of torture, domestic spying, you name it. As I see it, 24 has gone from diverting fiction to explicit political advocacy, and I cannot, in the current political climate, simply ignore that advocacy and treat the show as simply "entertainment."
I'm not watching anymore.
Have a nice life, Jack Bauer. Try not to break every law in the book along the way, OK?