I am sorry to tell you that the United States has been challenged by China in yet another category. They have always had more people than we do. They have a much older culture. They invented gunpowder and astronomy and spaghetti and Chinese checkers. We invented living on credit. At last count we were indebted to China by over $321 billion dollars. (Every man, woman and child in the U.S. now owes some foreign investor more than $7,000.00. And if they call, tell them I’m not in.) And as if all of that wasn’t depressing enough, China has now laid claim to having the world’s oldest chicken. No, really.
The American record holder was an ivory Red Pyle bantam hen named Matilda and she laid her last egg, figuratively speaking, in February of 2006 at the age of sweet 16. She had worked her whole life as a magician’s assistant, often appearing magically from beneath a pan lid. (Don’t ask me, I have no idea how she did it.) Her manager, Keith Barton, told the Tuscaloosa News, "I think Matilda lived so long because she lived...away from things that might have wanted to eat her." That is advice I think we should all follow – don’t smoke and stay away from things that might want to eat you.
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But according to the web site "China Daily" the new cock of the walk is a mystery fowl managed by farmer Chen Yubin, in the town of Zhenghou, the capital of Henan province. Mr. Chen has only identified his bird as brown and black, and standing 8 inches high, 4 inches wide and weighing in at just under 2 pounds: as if this would allow us to pick her out of a line up at Panda Express. Chen, who is 32, claims his mother began raising the mystery bird when he was 12 so that makes the Chinese chicken 20 years old and the new world’s record holder. And yet he can’t tell us the bird’s name. I may be overly suspicious but you would think that if Chen had actually known this chick for 20 years he would at least remember her name.
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I don’t mean to brood over this but there have been a half dozen world famous collies and everybody knows all of their names; Lassie. There was Flipper, Moby Dick and Bruce the shark who starred in Jaws, and there was Matida, the world’s oldest living chicken. And now is hatched this unnamed Gallus gallus domesticus with pretensions for the top of the pecking order. Well, this Chinese claim simply isn’t up to scratch and doesn’t hold a feather compared to Matilda.
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Let’s talk schmaltz. It was an American chicken named Mike who not only lived for more than two years after having his head cut off but who actually gained weight. Every May the citizens of Fruita, Colorado recall Mike’s tenacity by holding a "5k Headless Chicken Run" and an egg toss. Comb through history and you will find that great chickens are as rare as hen’s teeth. And but for a poultry few, they are all American. I think the Chinese are trying to pullet our leg.
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Where is the lineage for this unnamed Asiatic pollo? Where are the other Chinese chickens who have achieved fame outside of a pot of mixed vegetables and rice or an outbreak of avian flu? Until Mr. Chen is willing to wattle forward with a name I see no reason to overturn the historical pecking order. A pox on their chicken: I don’t care how much money we owe them.
