This is a tale relating two of my visits to our nation’s capitol. The long and short of it is that one of my trips to Washington ended up being all about War, the other trip, about Peace... It's about the war in Iraq, the way events unfolded to impact my own life, the way I - like many here - found inspiration for becoming an activist, a Democrat, an outspoken person, a letter-writer, a campaigner, a blogger, etc.
Please go below the fold and read this, my first diary, about how I came to be here, via two trips to DC! You might be able to relate to some of it and/or find inspiration to make your own trips there sometime soon...
My First Trip Back to Washington (2003) - WAR!
My first trip back to Washington was really just for old-time’s sake. I hadn’t been there since childhood... but often recalled earlier trips fondly. I knew I'd go again someday. As they say, “Time flies!" It wasn’t until I was in my 40’s, with an “empty nest” that I finally had an opportunity to go visit Washington, DC once again. It was in July of 2003 and my husband had to attend a week of meetings there. I’m a school teacher and had all of July off. Our youngest child had just graduated high school, so I was quite free to accompany my husband and indulge myself in a little mini-vacation of my own. We took the Acela train from NJ to DC and happily checked into our hotel with my plans for visiting museums and monuments all week.
This Washington trip had a poignant feeling for several reasons. First, I felt nostalgia for my childhood visits. Then, because of so many sad circumstances facing our country, seeing the capitol through adult eyes, caused reflection and mixed emotions that I really had not expected. The trip seemed tinged with sadness. Looking back, it really makes sense, considering that our country was at war and had experienced so many recent divisions and disappointments. Maybe that’s why there seemed an urgency for me to be there... I wanted to feel hope for our country, despite the unprecedented things that had recently taken place: the Clinton impeachment, the stolen 2000 election, the 9/11 attacks, the divisive arrogance of our Republican "leadership," the Afghanistan war, and the brand, spanking new war in Iraq which I knew was based on lies, etc. The reality of the war had personal significance since my young, 23-yr-old cousin was serving in the Army in Iraq. There was definitely no way to visit all the memorials to past wars, to walk past the White House, without letting my cynical adult views and my extreme concern for my young cousin color every aspect of this Washington trip.
I spent my days walking around the mall, visiting sites and museums, reading inscriptions in each of the memorials: patriotism, sacrifice, war, death, freedom, liberty, etc. It was quite emotional visiting the Vietnam Memorial for my first time, reading the names of thousands... each name signifying the very life of someone’s child, father, brother, or other significant relation. I found the name of the brother of one of my former schoolmates who died days after reenlisting for his 2nd tour of duty. I visited the Korean War Memorial and recalled a friend’s uncle, who, had come back “shell-shocked” and spent most of his days smoking cigarettes in a darkened room. I recalled stories of my great, great uncle who survived the "Battle of the Bulge" and came back to lead a reclusive life, having left his fun-loving personality somewhere in wartorn France. I spent the hottest, most humid morning, walking across the bridge to the Arlington Cemetery... took the tour bus up the hill to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and watched the changing of the guards in the dripping heat. Watching with all of the other tourists, looking across the acres of graves and at the capitol buildings through the haze across the river, I couldn’t help but think of the futility of war, the futility of honoring war dead when we never seem to learn... instead, continuing to resolve our problems with force, guns, and violence. It’s never made sense to me and still doesn’t. (No offense directed at military families and veterans. It’s our country’s use of our military that I really don’t understand, not one’s instinct for wanting to defend homes, lives, families, and country.)
At week's end, our friend, a former Marine officer, took us, with great pride, to see a parade performance at the oldest Marine barracks in America. I watched with mixed emotions, seeing the young faces of the fife and drummers filled with hope and enthusiasm, the talent of the marching band, and the precision of the troops in formation. They all reminded me of my cousin... the best, the brightest, high-achieving, athletic, youthful, and energetic! On the verge of tears, I wondered how AND why politicians could dare to use these souls. I couldn’t quite conjure up the pride and patriotism I know our Marine friend felt, his unquestioning belief that war is a necessary evil and it's the job of the military to fight the battles for a great, powerful, and free country. I could barely contain my conflicting feelings of love and respect for those in our military, while being angered at how they become pawns of the powerful. Having no trust in the present administration, I felt that just like during Vietnam, peoples’ patriotic emotions were being manipulated and used. I kept my mouth shut, but my mind was racing, and my heart was breaking! One more strange and emotional day in Washington!
On the final day of the trip, I wanted my husband to see my favorite monument. We had a few hours before departure so we quickly ran so he could see the new FDR memorial. I was so moved by the quotes of FDR that were incorporated into the design of the memorial. (The setting is beautiful and it’s, IMHO, a fitting and wonderful tribute to the memory of a significant president - very worth your time to see.) I took my husband to read the quote I appreciated most and had him take a photo of me sporting peace sign fingers in front of the antiwar message.
I have seen war. I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded... I have seen the dead in the mud. I have seen cities destroyed... I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. I hate war.
Address Delivered by President Roosevelt; at Chautauqua, New York, August 14, 1936
That seemed like a fitting note on which to end this Washington trip. During that afternoon train ride home, I couldn’t get over my feelings of depression, even despair. The trip had seemed like an emotional roller-coaster ride. I’d kept it mostly inside and had an amazing time, but the reflections and the dismay I felt for where our country was going, and the Iraq War left me feeling quite uneasy. I couldn’t shake it and knew I needed to get home to get perspective on the whole Washington experience.
While driving in the car from the train station, we listened to the news. The report said there were 3 US casualties in Iraq that day, 2 from my cousin's division. I could feel my anger welling up as I began to worry and focus anew on the reality of war, not just the Washington symbology of war. I calmed myself knowing that with thousands of troops in Iraq, the chance that the news story was about anyone I knew was astronomical. Of course, it was maddening to think anyone had to die in such a questionable war; it was wrong that anyone should be worrying about loved ones over there! My cousin was actually due home a week earlier since his stint in the Army was technically done. My aunt had bought the decorations and planned the party for his return but at the last minute his stay had been extended for 6 more weeks, due to stop-loss. So even though he was due to be out of the Army, done with his 4 years, his family, his beautiful, young wife, his brother, and sister were left hanging on as if by their fingernails for the rest of the summer awaiting his safe return. It was cruel, to say the least.
Well, as you may have guessed, the next day I got the call from my mom who was crying as she spoke. She said the words I never believed I’d hear, our cousin was one of the 3 soldiers who had died in Iraq the day before. WHAM! - like a ton of bricks! Not even in my most cynical moments, did I really think that would ever happen! Neither did his family. In fact, my aunt was actually banking on the idea that God could never be so cruel as to take her son away. She’d already lost his step dad years earlier in a tragic accident and had to believe there couldn’t be enough bad in the world to take her first-born from her, too! Ironically, it was honoring his beloved step dad's memory that caused her son to join the Army in the first place. So, while I had been in Washington, concluding my reflective trip, contemplating the costs of war, somewhere far away in an Iraqi village, an apparently angry, unidentified Middle Easterner was aiming an RPG at my cousin’s vehicle... and firing to kill. Within 24 hours of visiting war memorials and experiencing the mixed emotions of pride, patriotism, and bitterness of my trip to Washington, DC, I was driving north to be with my aunt, to grapple with the loss of my only relative serving in Iraq. Talk about surreal! Not before or since have I felt in the midst of such a strange, twisted moment in time... hopefully never will again.
The family’s nightmare of rushing to my aunt’s side - my mom's baby sister - because of yet another horrible death in her family seemed to be repeating. We had grown up together and always had a special connection - we had such fun explaining to others that we were aunt and niece since we were only one year apart in . We both married young, had our kids young, and though we lived far apart, we always kept in contact, got our kids together every summer vacation, and never missed a chance to spend time together. Now, also in her 40’s, she was facing the horror of losing a child! (Please note, I don't mention my cousin by name, in the interest of respecting the private and divergent views of my wonderful, extended family who are all, like me, left to grieve in our own way. We all speak ABOUT my cousin, but avoid speaking FOR my cousin, who can no longer speak for himself, leaving that to those closest to him. I don't presume to represent or even know his political views so this is one politically charged place in which I feel it's best not to publicize his name. All of us do agree, however, that what's mainly important to know is that those who knew him, recall a leader, a bright, positive soul who will be sorely missed... and many lives will forever be changed for having known and lost him.)
Lots happened after that trip to Washington. As anger, grief, and depression ruled many days following that particularly tough summer of 2003, I managed to harness some of the anger and passion. By October 2003, I was reading anything I could find that expressed what so many of us were thinking... that this country was headed in a totally wrong direction, that the media was keeping us anesthetized, and the danger of losing lots more than our precious troops seemed to be at stake. I began listening for clear voices of dissent. Ultimately, I heard the clear antiwar, anti-Bush spokesman in Howard Dean. I attended a meet-up. Unheard of!... me, getting politically active after spending my adulthood like so many others, feeling disenchanted enough to stay totally uninvolved in politics. Uncharacteristically, I campaigned vigorously for Dean, co-led my meet-up group, and even went to Iowa. I think my family thought I’d lost my mind. I kept saying, if I don’t DO something, I WILL lose my mind!! Waiting for this president to draft my own kids or send anyone else in my family to an early grave wasn’t in the plan for me! I was disappointed when Dean’s assertive voice faded in favor of Kerry’s waffling and dodging but I stayed active and haven’t stopped, inspired by my trip to Washington, my cousin’s death in Iraq, and all those I met as a result of getting involved. Then...
My 2nd Trip to Washington (2005) - PEACE!
Okay, this trip wasn’t filled with as much conflicting emotion and anxiety. This one had purpose. This one took place in September of 2005. This trip was inspired by people like Cindy Sheehan and various peace and political movement groups. My 20-yr-old daughter and I hopped on a bus here in NJ and took a ride down with a Coalition for Peace and Justice group. The experience was uplifting, hopeful, and empowering. Meeting so many people who had stories and inspirations of their own, and shared goals of making our legislators take notice of us was wonderful! It was an awesome day in Washington, DC. We befriended and marched with a guy we met on the train ride from outside DC into the city, who’d come from NYC on his own. Turned out he was an unassuming, accomplished country musician from Nashville. His accent made me think he might be a good old boy from the south who might not really want to be in the middle of a protest... but he was as liberal and as anti-Iraq War as they come!! And, a pleasure to hang out with for the day.
My daughter observed that there didn't seem to be a large percentage of people her age marching. Instead, we noticed more older people in the march than we could have imagined... elderly people in wheelchairs, some with canes or walking sticks to help them endure the long, slow walk. We saw veterans of past wars marching. We saw fields lined with crosses in memory of my cousin and his fallen comrades. We saw very long processions of people carrying placards with the names of every dead soldier from the Iraq War! We saw representatives of True Majority, Truthout, DFA, Vermonters for Peace, Progressive Dems, MoveOn, YOU NAME IT, they were there! We saw groups playing percussion and music. We saw bare-chested, large-breasted women with the hilarious, but awesome, message of “Breasts, Not Bombs.” We saw signs made by people whose brothers were in Iraq, we saw signs of Cheney and Rumsfeld with an oil mustache, saying “Got Oil?” We saw signs, signs, and more signs with messages of dissent, pro-peace, anti-Bush, support the troops, bring them home, no war for profit, etc. The messages were awesome! The messengers were awesome! We took lots of pictures, some here at this link.
Washington was so filled with people who were united to make a change in our country’s course, that it was completely unrecognizable as the city I’d visited a couple of years earlier. The place seemed so different, so energized, so alive compared to my solemn, quiet reflective visit to memorials of dead guys. It didn’t feel like a place I’d ever visited before! In a word - incredible!! We spent hours watching, marching, observing, talking, and listening to all of the sights and sounds of the day. At day’s end, we took the train out of the city to our bus, said farewell to the new friends we’d made, rode the bus back to NJ, and went home feeling that it would be impossible for our leaders to ignore us now!!
Sad to say, the MSM gave the protest very little attention. The biggest event I’d participated in like that in my life, and it was “yesterday’s news” and hardly on the radar of most people. Regardless of that disappointment, though, the energy, the camaraderie, the empowering feelings helped me to forge on and continue to work hard all the way through the 2006 elections. It was the catalyst for not holding back when the chance came to tell someone how I felt about the war and the president, etc. It gave me strength knowing I was aligned with massive crowds of Americans of all walks of life. I stopped second-guessing my conflicted emotions, and embraced the righteousness of marching and working for peace and democracy. I wouldn’t have missed that trip to Washington for anything.
Upcoming Trip to Washington - PEACE, Again!!
I don’t know if my 2 trips to Washington, might spur you on to somehow make your own trip soon. I know now, I must go to Washington again... this coming weekend for the next march for peace just might be it! I do hope, if it’s at all possible, you’ll join me and several thousand (at least) of my closest allies in this fight for OUR democracy, for our children's and our own future, and to honor the memory of people like my cousin who joined the military to protect OUR freedom from tyranny and oppression. While we still have the right to speak out against our government, we must take the opportunity - to burst the beltway bubble, to wake up the sleeping people, to get the ear of our legislators, to draw whatever attention we can by amassing large enough groups of us that we can’t be sidelined and ignored anymore.
We are the mainstream Americans who care enough and aren't afraid to stand up and be counted. I’ll be there, I hope you will be, too. Thanks for reading. And, thanks to all of you in the DKos community for just being yourselves and for being here giving me hope for our collective future! See you in Washington!