I was just handed a stack of pink, scented letters bound with a red ribbon. Each of the letters is a personal note from Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers to George W. Bush. Some of the letters are from Bush's days in Texas, both pre-governor and while he was governor, and others date from his candidacy and inauguration as President in 2000.
Also stuck in the stack are a few of Bush's responses, scribbled on yellow, lined notebook paper.
I reproduce some of the notes, below...
The first is from May of 1984. Miers and Bush had apparently met at a party and Miers dashed off this quick note to Bush:
Dear George,
So nice to finally meet you after hearing so much about you from mutual friends.
Thank you for the compliment on my dress and how well it "fit my form!" Don't feel bad about vomiting on it. It washed up fine. I didn't have a date that night so the only one who had to smell it in the car on the way home was me!
I was impressed with your knowledge of the law, particularly the state drunk driving statutes.
I hope we meet again sometime soon! Your wife, Laura, is lovely as well!
Yours truly,
Harriet Miers
There was this hastily scrawled response from Bush:
Harry, (is it okay if I call you Harry?)
I wish I could remember you. But I'm sure that if I said you looked great in your dress, I meant it. Sorry for hurlin on the dress, anyway. Send my old man the cleanin bill.
Here's his address...
[REDACTED]
George
The next letter is from the day after Bush's inauguration party as Governor of Texas in 1994:
Dear Governor!
(I love the ring of that!) Had a great time at your inauguration last night! I danced with your brother, Neil. He's a lovely dancer, but I just thought I should tell you, I caught him going through my purse when I returned from the restroom. He had torn a check out of my checkbook, but gave it back when I caught him with it. Please don't say anything to him, but you might want to keep an eye on him when he's at the Governor's mansion.
Anyway, I am excited that one of the smartest men I know is now Governor of Texas! Can you believe it?!!! Governor George W. Bush! I love it!
You know I will help with anything you ask of me from a legal perspective. I won't write it here, but we can do something about that troublesome "history," if you'd like. I have a few friends who know how to make things "disappear."
Thanks again for inviting me to the party! Did you like my "little black dress?"
Yours in confidence,
Harry
Bush scrawled the follwoing note in reply:
Har, (is it okay if I just call you Har instead of Harry?)
Nice dress! Strapless, no less! Did you have a boob job or was that thing glued on? (Just kiddin ya)
How about I put you on the lottery board and you get that whole deal about the war years worked out with a couple of the folks there? They know the story so they're the ones that can help make it go away. Talk to Karl on that. I'll tell him you're gonna call. (Be nice to him. He's kind of a social retard.)
Me and Laura will have you over to mansion one day soon. Do you like chicken wings and beer?
George
We move on to the White House years. This note from Bush spurred a subsequent response from Miers:
Ha, (is it okay if I call you Ha instead of Har? I'm lookin to free up some time for another few days of vacation.)
Have you seen my blue and green striped tie? I thought I gave it to you to be cleaned, but I can't find the damn thing in my closet. Let me know, will ya?
Also, I need a new pen on my desk. Someone swiped the old one. (Probably that jackass Jew Fleischer again. Those Jews are always lookin to make a buck. Someone told me he was sellin my pens on eBay. Put a couple of the Secret Service guys on his ass while you're at it. And get me that new pen.)
George
Dear Mr. President,
I looked through my detailed daily log for the last three weeks and I could find no mention of you handing me such a tie. As you know, I keep very good records. So I don't believe I received it. However, I ran out to the shirt and tie shop on my lunch hour and bought you five blue and green striped ties. You can look over them and choose the one you'd like.
As for the pens and Mr. Fleischer, I will do as you instructed. I looked on eBay and saw two pens that are supposedly "from the Oval Office," but I could not confirm if they were your actual pens. Should I buy them and see?
Also, I stopped in the Oval Office yesterday afternoon while you were napping and found Karl sitting behind your desk. He was "talking dirty" on the phone to someone and seemed startled when I walked in. Here's the weird part... No pants. Or, at least, pants on the floor under the desk.
It was gross. He turned all red as did I.
If you talk with him, please tell him not to worry. I didn't see anything (thank our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ).
Sorry to have to bring that up, but I didn't want you to hear it from someone else first.
I'll get on the pen thing. If someone is nabbing them from your desk, I'll find out who it is. I'd run through a brick wall for you, Sir.
Your trusted friend,
Ha
Finally, this recent missive from Bush to Miers:
H, (I'm calling you H from now on)
How would you like to go onto the Supreme Court? I'm gonna nominate you tomorrow. I like you, H. You keep good track of my ties and socks and you make a mean cup of coffee. I was talkin to Tony (Scalia) and he said that Ginsburg refuses to play her role and fetch the coffee. (Tony is such a traditionalist!)
So I told him all about you and how you make sure my tie is straight every day and how you keep track of all the stuff that a guy like me can't possibly remember cause I'm President of the United States and how you make my coffee in the mornings and he says to me, "That's exactly what we need on the Supreme Court!"
So here you are!
The deal is simple. Do what Tony says (like Thomas does) and make sure all their stuff is taken care of. Also, bring some of that good coffee over there with you. Tony says the stuff they've been drinkin is NOT GOOD!
It's excitin to be puttin one of my very bestest friends on the Supreme Court, H!
Did you ever do any big legal cases or anythin?
George
Dear Mr. President,
I am THRILLED and HONORED that you would think of me for the Supreme Court!!!! I will make the best cup of coffee Justice Scalia has ever, ever had! You can bet on that!
I have had a couple of big cases. One time, Disney was sued by a Mexican travel agency because Disney backed out of a cruise deal. I handled it for Disney and not only did I win the case, I got to go to Disney World and meet Mickey, Minnie and Goofy! It was one of the "coolest" things I've ever, ever done!
The Supreme Court! Me!!!! Wow! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!
Your loyal and trusted confidante,
H
P.S. I found that old blue and green striped tie you were looking for back in 2003. It was stuffed in the back of Karl's coat closet. Also found about a dozen of your pens in a small box in there. Now that he's cleaning out his office in anticipation of his pending indictment, no telling what will "show up!"
I may post a few more later. Thanks for reading.