Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com
Following last week's televised incident, in which Democratic Caucus chairman Rahm Emanuel was interrupted by anti-war protestors led by Cindy Sheehan, the Democrats have now approved a counterinsurgency strategy: a surge against Ms. Sheehan.
Emanuel, who was trying to address Democratic plans for ethics legislation, was forced to discontinue the press conference after Sheehan's group drowned out Emanuel with their demands for a cutoff of additional funds for the Iraq War.
Consequently, Democrats, concerned that Sheehan will make them appear timid and afraid to take on Bush, have decided to flex their muscles with a two-prong strategy.
First, they plan to hire all of the former Four Star Generals fired by Bush to mount an aggressive campaign of "clear, destroy and don't rebuild" against all dwellings used by Sheehan's protestors. As Emanuel described it, "we don't care if it's just a pup tent on the side of the road ... it's going down."
In this regard, Emanuel is prepared to finally adopt the 50-State strategy of Howard Dean, and pursue all of the war protestors in both Red and Blue States. Democrats also intend to follow the famous advice of General Eric Shinseki, and employ 500,000 troops to get this job done.
In addition, although the Democrats have often criticized the Bush Administration’s treatment of alleged "enemy combatants" as unconstitutional, they are taking a different tack with Sheehan, who is currently in Cuba to demand the closure of Guantanamo.
As reflected in a letter sent to The White House by Speaker Pelosi and Majority Leader Reid, "habeas corpus, habeas shmorpus, sometimes ya’ just gotta do what ya’ gotta do."
Finally, if keeping Sheehan at Guantanamo proves unsuccessful, the Democrats have a back-up plan: bombarding Sheehan’s home with all of the noisy runts who appeared in House Chambers with Pelosi last week.