Beyond Hate – The Rwandan Women’s Basket Weaving Collective
We do not want for villains. Nor for examples of greed, depravity, and hate-mongering. But today the good ole’ MSM reminded me today that human beings can also be compassionate, inventive, and triumphantly sane. I have been wondering about the role of compassion and forgiveness as we fight Republicans, fight over our own Democratic candidates, and sometimes seem to fight over nothing on this site. This Rwandan widow’s story gives much-needed perspective.
The article describes the work of Pascasie Mukamurigo, a Tutsi whose
husband and one of her three children had been killed [by Hutu mobs in the genocide in 1994]...Twelve of her best friends had lost their husbands as well. She brought these widows together to form the weaving group Avega (Association des Veuves du Génocide d’Avril) to support the orphans each took in; Mrs. Mukamurigo adopted 13. She also invited members of the Hutu families who had committed the atrocities to join the group.
What can progressives and kossacks learn from Mrs. Mukamurigo?
In the arguments we have with Republicans, those we label "spineless Democrats," or kossacks with whom we disagree, there is no comparison to be made with machete-wielding mobs seeking to murder our families. To imply otherwise would be pathologically insensitive. But Mrs. Mukamurigo’s compassionate, creative response to the violence visited upon her stopped me in my tracks. It seemed to have something to say as I’ve been mulling over what "healthy conflict" would look like on this site and in politics.
Here are the questions I’ve been asking myself as I see what I think is some pretty knuckleheaded conflict on the site:
- How can we be more curious about people and views we normally disagree with?
- What does a principled argument look like between parties who are arguing in good faith?
- How do we fight against those who seem to operate in bad faith, with no principles or morality?
- How do keep from too-quickly assuming that anyone who disagrees with us is operating in bad faith and amoral?
I’m not interested in a cloying "niceness" or blindly hoping that humanity’s better instincts will prevail. But I would like to see fewer ad-hominems and more of an ability to think together with people who we might dismiss too quickly. In case you haven't noticed, there are lot more people we need to appeal to (some inside our own community) if we're going to prevail in the next election.
As a personal example I had quite a strong negative view of Matt Bai of the NYT when I wrote my first kos diary a month back. In the course of engaging with him, I came to respect his thinking, if not agree with all of it. More importantly, I respected the way he responded to my challenging him. He seemed genuinely open to my view, and interested in finding the best answers together, not in labeling or dismissing me. When he came to L.A. I got the chance to share a meal with him and found out we have much more in common than I would have initially thought.
Another person I ultimately felt drawn to was the Ohio mom who was a Bush volunteer in 2004 in the documentary So Goes The Nation. Watch that movie, and tell me she isn’t someone we could find common ground with and turn to a swing voter in 2008. Or read the accounts of those who have left the Administration out of principle (here, and here). Not everyone we're fighting is as amoral as Karl Rove, and we need to learn to engage these people - and each other - more effectively.
My career has been teaching people in big companies how to form teams, how to navigate disagreement, how to build and recover trust. Passions run high when careers and livelihoods are on the line, and I have almost had to separate people about to pummel each other more than once. I think we can fight better on this site, and in the culture at large. I think it will help us win more voters, come up with better policies, and embody our values as progressives.
As Bono said in Will Bunch’s excellent diary:
"You do not have to become a monster to defeat a monster."