So, a couple of buddies I’ve been friends with for nearly thirty years responded to my forwarding (with a few borrowed observations) of the RNC Logo of the blue, dead elephant. Funny stuff that logo and I wanted to hear what they had to say as they are somewhat red in their outlook on life. One, whom I’ll call Ric, thought I had hit the nail on the head. The other, whom I’ll call, Barry responded with his usual vacuous talking point prattle but without his perennial reference to Midnight Basketball. I smiled because all his points seem to indicate he should really vote Bush. So, I responded; line by line.
So after the jump, just for giggles, is the relevant paragraph and my response.
Now, Barry is a great guy; citizen, weekend father, salt of the earth, and he’s my friend. Truthfully, I think most of this is hyperbole but I would like some advice or, better still, additions or corrections to the talking points we get from our wayward friends.
Here is what he responed with:
"I think I'm going to vote for Hillary because I want my earnings redistributed! And I want to pay for my neighbor’s health care too. Oh, and since we lost Iraq, and are losing the war on terror, I think she is the best person to apologize and surrender to Osama, God be With Him. Oh, and American traditions are just ridiculous, and often racist, and very often insensitive to beautiful, and tolerant religions, like Islam! I know she will help do away with them too. Oh, and anyone should be allowed to come from Mexico! I know she will supply the "undocumented Americans" plenty of water to help make that arid crossing. And may God have mercy on the brainless border patrol agent who tries to stop them! And don't even get me started on evil guns and trans fats and cigarettes! Hillary knows what's best for me. I will give her total control of my life. I truly want to be dependent on her and Ted Kennedy for my survival, so I hope, together, they can craft legislation and programs that I will need to survive. I just wish there wasn't a two term limit!!! Maybe she can do something about that pesky Constitution too."
Neat, huh?
So here is my reply:
Hmmm, I think you should stick with Bush:
"because I want my earnings redistributed!"
How much money have you received from the Bush tax cuts? Didn't you redistribute that money to your state and local taxes? To your insurance and medical premiums? And of course, gasoline hasn't quite doubled in price since the days of the Clinton surplus but you sure are distributing more of your money to Saudi Arabia. But take heart, if those tax cuts due to sunset are made permanent, those with an income over six digits will get their income distributed, but yours will stay just the same!
"and I want to pay for my neighbors health care too."
You don't need to vote for Hillary for that! You are doing that now with the premiums you are paying to your health care provider which are rising at an alarming rate or do you simply drop services that you think you won't need to keep those premiums down. It's a good thing to have insurance because a trip to the ER can cost around $3500-$5500 and all you have to pay is a co-pay equal about two trips to a family doctor.
"Oh, and since we lost Iraq, and are losing the war on terror, I think she is the best person to apologize and surrender to Osama, God be With Him"
We lost Iraq? What? It was right THERE! between Afghanistan and Iran? How could we lose Iraq? We have over 160,000 troops over there and nearly as many Blackwater security guards. Besides how can we have lost Iraq when the surge is working so well that we have "succeeded" in drawing down a couple thousand troops a whole three months before their second third or forth deployment was scheduled to be withdrawn. When I think of those 9 million Iraqis who went to the polls; the stain of freedom on their figures, I can't imagine any reason how we could have up and lost them all. Maybe they are just hiding because the occupation of their country has been going on for so many years now since the war ended and it was now safe to vote that it's hard to say good-by to all those nice heavily armed men and security guards without crying. Speaking of crying, I was just thinking about September 11th when I comforted those kids in my classroom reassuring them that some bad guys did this but we would have to trust in those that are responsible for bringing them to justice because competent and knowledgeable people are in charge of such instruments of government. I'm sorry you feel that under Bush, we are losing the war on terror, or, GWOT, as those in the know call it. I think he has done a masterful job of combating the freedom hating people who attacked us over our Middle East foreign policy! Sure, it looks like the Taliban came back from being destroyed in the hills of Tora Bora but when they see how much freedom we've surrendered since then, all the fight will be right out of them and we'll march right up to Osama and apologize for not catching him before we spent half a trillion dollars looking for the people who attacked us on 9-11 in Iraq.
"Oh, and American traditions are just ridiculous, and often racist, and very often insensitive to beautiful, and tolerant religions, like Islam! I know she will help do away with them too."
Like celebrating Christmas as the birth of Santa, hanging nooses from a tree that only white people can sit under, and picketing the funerals of dead soldiers because God hates fags.
"Oh, and anyone should be allowed to come from Mexico! I know she will supply the "undocumented Americans" plenty of water to help make that arid crossing. And may God have mercy on the brainless border patrol agent who tries to stop them!"
I sure would hope that our government hydrates them so they won't pass out in the desert and litter the landscape with skeletons (nothing ruins a picturesque landscape than dried up old bones), I say wait until they are picking our produce and cleaning our toilets so we can sneer at their parched and lazy selves. Besides, with all the outsourcing they should have plenty of jobs to go back to. Besides they wouldn't come here if there wasn't work offered by people who break the law to hire them. And don't give me that line about how is an employer supposed to know if a new hire's ID is fake. Anyone can tell a Baconback apart from a United Statesian by the way they say ‘aye’ all the time. Dirty, filthy Chalkies!
" And don't even get me started on evil guns and trans fats and cigarettes!"
Tell me about it! That guy who shot up Virginia Tech walked into a gun store and you know those evil guns just hypnotized him into purchasing them and seduced the owner into forgetting to run the background check. God! How I wish we could go back to the days when the only thing we had to worry about with our food was if ketchup was a vegetable or a fruit in our diet. Still, Hillary would pass the SChip program; adding a mere 61 cents to a pack of smokes may not stop them from seeking the destruction of all the cool kids in school but it may slow their progress in uniting to become an edible gun you can smoke.
"Hillary knows what's best for me. I will give her total control of my life."
She could never hold a candle to the Decider.
"I truly want to be dependent on her and Ted Kennedy for my survival, so I hope, together, they can craft legislation and programs that I will need to survive."
With Bush we have the surveillance program that allows him to listen in on our phone calls. He's done away with Habeas Corpus so we can survive in our cells knowing that our enemies will never be able to find us. He's done away with Posse Comitatus so we will survive civil unrest because he can quell disorder with the use of the military. Wait, who is Ted Kennedy? Do you mean Ted Haggard? The fabulous Reverend Ted Haggard? Dude! He smoked chrystal meth he bought off his gay prostitute (also bought) and told his flock gay is bad and evil. Ted Stevens? Bridge to Nowhere Stevens? The internet is a series of tubes Stevens? Wait, Steven? Steven Vitter? the Senator who wears diapers for his Whore? Or was he the one busted for soliciting sex in the Minneapolis airport men's room? No! That was Larry Craig. I digress. Hillary will make it so we have to learn stuff and with Bush, you know that's not gonna be the case. After all, he has FOX news to keep him honest and as long as they are around to report what we are to decide we'll be just fine.
"I just wish there wasn't a two term limit!!! Maybe she can do something about that pesky Constitution too."
Again, why would you want Hillary for this? All we need to do is suspend the rubber stamp to rubber leg Congress and the Decider can rule by decree. Hell, we're more than halfway there now anyway. Besides the minute OBL makes a move against our freedoms W will suspend them as a preemptive strike. Shock n awe!
Again, any advice what I could have done better