Pitt The Younger: As I said to Prince Metternich in Strasbourg 'poo to you with nobs on!' We shall meet sirs on the hustings!
Prince Regent: I say what a ghastly squit! He's not going to win is he?
Edmund Blackadder: No sir, because firstly we shall fight this campaign on the issues not personality, secondly we shall be the only fresh thing on the menu and thirdly, of course--we'll cheat.
After a shellacking by the Regent backed Adder Party, The Whig candidate Pitt's even youger brother is defeated by a single voter, namely Mr E. Blackadder. Edmund is both the only voter in the Burrough and the acting return officer: But the official tally is 16,472. Pitt the Even Younger is distraught.
Reporter: Young Sir, are you disappointed?
Pitt the Even Younger: Yes I'm horrified. I smeared my opponent, bribed the press to be on my side and threatened to torture the electorate if I lost. I fail to see what more a decent politician could do.
It's very instructive to see how far we really have NOT come.
Firstly, we'll run this election on the issues not personality.
Secondly, we're the fresh thing on the menu.
Thirdly we'll cheat.
I smeared my opponent.
Bribed the press to be on my side.
And threatened to torture the electorate if we lost.
It's quite chilling to see it all boiled down to something this simple. Each point in the second paragraph mirroring with precision the corresponding point in the first. All perfectly echoing events today.
First the Money. If $1000 sounds like too much, remember it's for the stamp duty, dog biscuits, hen food, swamp insurance, window tax and thruppence ha'penny for the land. The expenses are endless.
We must buy Dunney-on-the-Wold at once and control the voter.
Once accomplished, the only question is who do we select to be the candidate?
An utter unknown, yet someone we have complete control over....one might say a man with no brain.
Once the candidate is selected all you need is a slogan.
A Rotten Candidate For a Rotten Borough.
And that's how we get all the Baldricks in Office.