Don't know if any of you saw this in the Owosso Snark-Herald, but it looks like Rudy has come out swinging:
Guiliani Vows to Cut Mistress Expenses as President
Former New York City mayor and Republican Presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani responded to recent revelations that he billed the city for an extra-marital affair by stating that, if elected President, he will keep mistress expenses to an absolute minimum.
"In light of 9/11, I will, if elected President, keep several of my mistresses in the basement of the White House in order to minimize security expenses while cheating on my current wife. Should any of my mistresses become my wife while I serve as President, I will seek to have Secret Service protection curtailed for my ex-- or exes-- once they are removed from the White House grounds. In a post 9/11 world, the American people need to know their security dollars are well spent," Giuliani stated in a press conference. "Furthermore, contrary to inaccurate reports at [Internet website] Politico, the 'coke and hooker' orgies in Atlantic City were completely comped by casino owners and were not paid for by the taxpayers."
When informed there had been no such reports of "coke and hooker orgies" at Politico, Giuliani said, "I'm not surprised, even they know the story has no merit." Pressed further, Giuliani declined, "For national security reasons, I can't talk about it. What's important is, the American people don't want a President focused on a 9/10 worldview. That's why any coke and hooker orgies will take place at Camp David and will be scheduled to coincide with official functions. That has been my promise to America since the towers fell."
Aides to the candidate distributed an analysis showing how mistress expenses could be cut by up to 40% under the plan. Expenses might be offset entirely if corporate sponsors could be lined up to underwrite a proposed "Booty" fund. So far, Chevron has promised $350,000 and Fox News has donated the choice of one on-air media personality.