Last week, attorney general nominee Judge Michael Mukasey dodged the question of whether he has been partaking in the new extreme sport labeled "waterboarding". Americans can disagree as to whether or not this should disqualify him for the top job in the Justice Department. But they should be under no illusions about what waterboarding is.
"Pain, dude! Unless you have been strapped down to the board, have endured the agonizing feeling of the water overpowering your gag reflex, and then feel your throat open and allow pint after pint of water to involuntarily fill your lungs, you will not know the meaning of the word. It's awesome!" Says Paul Starling, who ran away from home at age sixteen, determined to become the best waterborder in the world.
Informed that an oldster like Judge Michael Mukasey was joining the ranks of this burgeoning sport, Starling was taken aback. "I'm impressed that an old dude like that would have the courage to take the pain. Hey, I'm impressed!"
How is it done? Rooting team members watch the quantity of water that is ingested and for the physiological signs that show when the drowning effect goes from painful psychological experience, to horrific suffocating punishment to the final death spiral. Judge Michael Mukasey must be feeling all these intense sensations as he joins this extreme crowd and partakes in the action.
"Ya, pretty severe, Dude! Waterboarding sport is slow-motion suffocation with enough time to contemplate the inevitability of blackout and expiration. A guy can go into hysterics on the board."
For the uninitiated, it is horrifying to watch. If it goes wrong, it can lead straight to terminal hypoxia - meaning, the loss of all oxygen to the cells.
"It's not for the faint at heart" comments Starling.
"What's so cool is the lack of physical scarring, so it allows you to recover and do it again and again."
We tried to contact Judge Michael Mukasey to ask him what would posses him to take up such an extreme sport, but unfortunately he was unavailable for comment.