I have no doubt, fellow Kossacks, that the order in which the various States participate in the rituals of this time of year has long been a thorn in all our collective sides.
Though they command less than 1% of the population, these two undersized non-representational states have, for far too long, been first and set the tone for the rest of us.
I am of course speaking of New Zealand and Australia going first in celebrating New Year's Eve.
Now, I know what you're thinking - What's to be done about it? New Zealand and Australia have been first forever - at least as long as anyone living can attest.
I say to you that it is no fair that these two Nation-States with fewer than 25 million people should set the tone for the rest of us 6 billion people on this planet. Why, by the time the New Year has rolled around to the United States, Australia and New Zealand are back at work with hangovers and stories about the blonde at the party two nights prior who slipped out just before Midnight's chime without a snog.
So I propose the following FAIR system. Each year, the country that has taken the best advantage of the previous year goes first. This year, that honor would go to Monaco, and then on to Uraguay and the Maldives. We continue in round robin fashion, holding back the big ten population states to hold the costs of the New Year down until near the end when the bubbly has been sipped in the rest of the world.
Some may say this decreases the influence of Australia and New Zealand unduly - their citizens have always had a keen interest in the affairs of the New Year. I say it's a good result to decrease their influence and should be sought. They can still compete, but maybe the Italians woudl get a chance to first once in a while. That's fair, isn't it?
Why should two unimportant States have all the fun anyway?