I want to preface this with a few disclaimers:
- I have nothing against arranged marriage, per se.
- I have nothing against immigrants of any race, nationality, or culture.
- This situation is very very real, and I'm scared out of my mind.
My best friend is Indian, born in India, and moved to the states when she was 2. She and all her immediate family are US Citizens. Because of her caste, she has been expected to enter an arranged marriage, and sometime soon she will be.
The problem is, she's just barely being not forced into it.
My friend entered into the arranged marriage process of her free will, and has been planning on doing this at least since we were 15 (we're 23 now). However, while she was meeting with Bachelor #3, news broke out about her white boyfriend and the fact that she wasn't comfortable marrying some random Indian boy. I won't go into the drama, arguments, lies, and manipulations here, but suffice to say 4 months later she was engaged to Bachelor #5.
Bachelor #5 (who I'll refer to as "Johnny") is not a US Citizen, but is living here legally and working in California. Johnny seems like a decent man, if immature and insecure, and I think he could make my friend happy eventually. Unfortunately, both Johnny and her parents are VERY concerned about getting her married off as soon as possible. His family pushed for a quick wedding, which she refused, and their real wedding is in June. However, Johnny has convinced her to get legally married in Illinois (her home state) in February to facilitate moving and such. I understand this, and did something similar with my own husband.
Of course, more drama ensues, and now my friend's father is very worried that Johnny won't marry her (because of her "character"). Accordingly, after the early marriage in February, Johnny and my friend's family are forcing her to move to California secretly. She is not supposed to tell anyone, though she told me, a few other friends, and her workplace.
Gigantic red flags should be going up here.
I found out today that Johnny wants to move back to India permanently, which she absolutely refuses to do. She doesn't want kids, and Johnny claims he's fine with that. Of course all the parents want them to breed as soon as possible. Etc. etc. etc.
It seems to me that forced marriage (my friend is nominally agreeing to all this, but only under extreme coercion--I won't go into the details here)isn't a big deal in Indian culture, and certainly nothing to get alarmed about. Obviously, this isn't so true in the US. However, I can't think of one single legal protection my friend has as I don't believe we have ways to stop marriage under duress. I wish we did, to be honest.
The few good points about this situation is that she'll be close to some family, and she's still in the US. She's a US citizen, which means she at least has all the rights I do, and her husband legally has none over her. Also, as of right now, she's not being ferreted out of here against her will and isolated from everyone she knows. Of course, that could easily happen.
Aside from my friend's happiness and sanity, I'm worried about a few specific things. Such as him messing with her birth control, forcing her to stay in India, and of course domestic violence.
So, I have a few questions of the DKos community. Hopefully some of you know more about this than I do.
- If Johnny forces her to stay in India at some point, can the US get her out?
- Is there any resource in Hindu temples for abused wives? From what I understand there isn't any pre-marriage counseling or "pastoral care" at all amongst the Hindus, so I don't know if they'd even touch this with a 10 foot pole.
- Are there any resources at all for human rights violations within the US? I haven't been able to find much online, but I don't trust my google fu.
I'm posting this partially to seek advice from the politically astute, but also to make people aware that these things do happen, and they can happen here, even amongst wealthy, educated, independent US citizens.