Or: Happy Hour At The Lowered Bar
Disillusionment with the Presidency didn't start with Nixon, but it sure took a serious upward swing. And we really haven't been the same since. By today's standards, Nixon was a big terrorist-sympathizing lefty. As was Reagan, who had the temerity to embolden our Evil Empire™ enemies by talking to them, yet - according to neocon thinking - brought down the Soviet Union single-handedly. (This disparity is rarely mentioned by the right. Go figure.) But therein lies the problem: How far our Presidency has fallen when we can look back fondly on the accomplishments of Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan
On the Democrat(ic, right wing jackholes) side, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton fare better, but let's be honest. Carter is a far more successful and popular ex-President than a President, and Clinton gave us NAFTA. Sure, NAFTA wasn't Clinton's brainchild, but he didn't exactly fight it. How sad that the anointed (by the media, anyway) leader of the anti-NAFTA movement was H. Ross Perot.
Point being, the expectations we have of our Presidents has become so diminished that we're ecstatic when they don't get caught on the White House Lawn nailing the First Dog. Granted, this is what terrifies the media/corporate/political three-headed hydra of bad government about the netroots. There's a massive uprising of people who demand better, but that - like any other peaceable revolution - takes time.
Meanwhile, let's take a look at our current crop of national-figure candidates/would-be-candidates from both the Democrat and Republic Parties (Ha ha! Get it?!? Republic! See, it's fun to demean by name-calling! You bleating winger pricks. Hypocrisy is fun, too.)
Rudy Giuliani: Seriously, Republicans and neocons, are you shitting me? Rudy? How long do you think it will take before people find out he was the Mayor of New York City? Who knows, the media might even look at how well he did that job. The Clash was wrong: Rudy can fail.
John McCain: Lost all credibility as a "maverick" when he chose to bend over and smile for the Bushies after they stuck it to him in 2000. Keating Five, anyone?
Rick Santorum: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Also, not running.
Hillary Clinton: Spends more time trying to look Presidential than be Presidential. Many of her detractors are irritated by her refusal to state that her vote to authorize the use of force in Iraq was a mistake. To her credit, she claims she would not have voted that way knowing what she knows now. And knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have voted for Pat Paulsen all those years. Come on, Hillary. You can do better.
John Edwards: Sadly, he appears to be a good man. I say "sadly" because he just shows too much political naivete to finish the race. Mr. Smith Goes Down In Flames in the modern era.
Joe Biden: Too easily distracted by cameras, mirrors, and the sound of his own voice. I caught hell for defending him, but he doesn't get my vote. Pompous: adj. from the Latin, meaning: "The senior Senator from Delaware."
Mitt Romney: Do we want a president from Star Wars? Why not Grand Moff Tarkin? Or Mace Windu? Which would rock, because Samuel L. Jackson is the man.
Sam Brownback: A legislative titan. A man of his word. A true believer. A man I could write untrue phrases about all day. From the state that brought you Brown Vs. The Board Of Education, which he would reverse in a heartbeat if he could both do it and keep Trent Lott from immediately moving to Kansas.
Al Gore: sigh Did we learn nothing in the eighties? A man has the right to change his mind, but come on. How much could he have possibly changed?
Russ Feingold: Not running. Damn it.
Barack Obama: Clearly, the best of the bunch. Thus far unsullied by foolish votes or deals for support from the "Haves". One might even say he's "clean", if one were inclined to be called a racist, right-wingnut-asshole Republican drooling dittohead troll. Not that I'm bitter. Love me some Barack. Possibly a terrorist.
And there you have it. For now. Granted, some of these were A). arbitrary, B). intended for humor, or C). both. But my point, I feel, is valid: our current President once enjoyed massive approval ratings despite being clinically retarded. How much lower can the bar go? Is it even possible to sneak in another Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, or Fillmore? Kidding on the last, of course, but like many, I crave a leader who is better than I am. Smarter. Tougher. More knowledgeable. I hope she or he is out there. But the further we press into the future, the more I believe that anyone - anyone - could be President. And that's sad.