Claytonben writes below that his GoP insider friend thinks 2008 seriously looks like Hillary vs. ...George Allen. With Clinton victorious. I started to write a comment that I'd heard the same sentiments from a number of inside the beltway Christian Right powerbrokers whom I interviewed last fall, but then I thought their analysis -- filtered through my gutter brain -- might merit its own diary.
Following are some notes I made during the research for a Rolling Stone piece about Sen. Sam Brownback, a theocon who most likely can't get the nomination, but can certainly effect who will. Christian Right insiders say: Sen. George Allen, up against Clinton, who they think will win. Here's how:
Right now, Brownback is running not against Hillary - with whom he shared a dais at a recent human rights conference - but John McCain. Giuliani leads in early polls for 2008, but the cadaverous New York mayor - famous in the city for his drag routines - doesn't stand a chance on the national stage. McCain does, and that's why Sam Brownback runs. And Bill Frist. And maybe Rick Santorum. And all-but-definitely George Allen. Well, actually they run because they're energizer bunnies and their egos haven't run down yet; but the reason Brownback, Frist, and Allen think they have a shot is they know how much the Christian Right hates John McCain.
Don't get bogged down in the why; McCain is staunchly pro-life and on most issues every bit as conservative as Brownback. Just accept that the Christian Right hates McCain no matter what part of Jerry Falwell's anatomy he kisses, and move onto the real question: Who can defeat him?
Frist and Santorum are already out. Why? Cats and dogs.
Frist: Please. The man supports stem cell research - that means killing itsy bitsy, cutesy-wootsie embryonic babies. Also, he used to kidnap stray cats and dissect them, a fact that will destroy him on a national stage - beltway insiders have no idea of the power of cat lovers.
Santorum: Two problems: One, he's toast in his upcoming senate race against pro-life Democrat Bob Casey Jr. Two, even if he's able to use the martyr card to deal himself back into the national scene, every campaign stop will be besieged by barking protesters, highlighting Santorum's now infamous remark that gay marriage could lead to "man-on-dog" sex. Also, "santorum" has been coined as a word for the combination of semen and fecal matter that results from anal sex.
So cat-killer Frist and dog-fucker Santorum are out, leaving George Allen, son of a beloved Redskins coach, fundraiser extroardinaire, tobbacy-chewer, cowboy-boots wearer, current GOP fave.
Well, it could happen. But here's the problem with George Allen: All the man knows is football. Earlier this year, The Washington Post published an in-depth investigation of Allen's political rhetoric that revealed that he simply can't get past pigskin.Talk of "defense" and "offense" is ok, but seriously: What percentage of the electorate loves football enough to know what a "double-reverse flea-flicker" -- the phrase Allen used to describe a GOP victory in Louisiana -- is? There may be a failure to connect. Allen was a hit as head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, but then, he was playing to a jock-wannabe crowd, a roomful of former student body presidents who must have thrilled when the famed former QB recognized electoral victories from the podium by throwing them footballs etched with the "final score" - their margins of victory. Awesome! Presidential? Uh, back to the locker room, Flash.
Leaving... President Clinton, 2008, for better or worse.