Freshly sooted from a bombing in the Iraqi Parliament, Mike Pence (R-IN) surfaced from his fact finding trip with Senators John McCain (R-AZ) and Lindsey Graham (R-NC) wearing a jovial smile. "Wow, that was just like the debates we used to have in the Indiana House of Representatives" he laughed. "If you can't handle plastic explosives or if you don't know how to make a bomb from fertilizer, your days in the Indiana House are numbered.
Actually," he continued "Hoosiers could learn a thing or two from the Iraqis. After all, everyone in Baghdad has their timers set to the SAME time - none of that confusion about whether or not the bomb is set for 2:00 pm eastern or central time, or whether that's central non-daylight savings time or central daylight savings time. As a matter of fact, in Indiana we've become so accustomed to having our state house bombings unsynchronized that it is refreshing to visit a body of politics that operates with a more unified approach. To time at least."
Lindsey Graham concurred that the experience of visiting during the bombing of the parliament had generated many fond memories and a few spectacular souvenirs. "Once the bomb went off and there was smoke and screams everywhere, it's like people just forgot all the rugs," chirped Sen. Graham. "I was able to grab 3 and I told the Iraqis around me to each wrap themselves in one - then as we made it out of the building, I just collected their rugs too. All in all, I made off with 14 rugs - free! They do have some ashes and soot and a few shards of torn flesh here and there, and one did have a finger stuck onto it with congealed blood, but nothing that a little good old American rug cleaner can't handle. If there are deals like this every day - I expect Iraq will be overrun with terrorists tourists in no time!"
**EDITOR'S NOTE: The original version of our story quoted the Senator as saying "Iraq will be overrun with terrorists in no time." At the time, we were working from a transcript which had not been reviewed by our Hucklegrammarian and the original translator misunderstood the Senator's inflection. We apologize for any confusion.**
Sen. McCain next answered questions. "You know," he said "this is the kind of story that just doesn't get covered by the American press. As a result of US efforts, there will be a massive rebuilding of the Parliament needed. This will make jobs for any of the workers who survive the follow up bombings and who are not stalked and murdered in their homes, or who are not rousted out of their homes in the middle of the night by US soldiers and sent to detention facilities due to the suspicious behavior of not having been murdered yet in their own homes. The US has generated all kinds of projects, just like this one, and yet the American press refuses to give us the credit we deserve.
Take a look at the American soldiers here - receiving the good news that their deployments will be lengthened. When they get that kind of good news, where is the American press? Why, soldier after soldier has come up to me since receiving their extension and called out, "Good Luck to You, Sen McCain!"
**EDITOR'S NOTE: The original version of our story used the translation provided by Sen. McCain's staff for the soldiers' comments. However, our review of the tape and work with our own translators clarified that Sen. McCain appears to have been mistaken as to the content of the phrases yelled at his motorcade by US soldiers. **