WHITE HOUSE PRESS BRIEFING
The Monday after Easter Sunday
Q: Now that we know that Jesus was a participant in the Extraordinary Rendition Program run by the present administration, are there any regrets as to snuffing out The Second Coming? And I have a follow-up.
A: Well, first of all, we didn’t snuff out anyone or anything. Especially the Lord Our God In Jesus Christ. If anything, we simply provided transportation – at our own expense, I might add – for someone who was wanted on charges of terrorism in a country that we trusted to bring justice to the issue.
Q: But it seems that in this case, Jesus – I know you didn’t know who he was at the time – was guilty only of healing and feeding people, and not even charging them for it. How could he be considered a potential terrorist? He wasn’t even a war profiteer...
A: That is a fair question. Jesus was in a very dangerous part of the world acting with hidden funding – we never did figure out where the money for all of this stuff was coming from – mingling freely among the people, some of whom we had good reason to be watching, trust me. You cannot support the terrorists and be on our side at the same time. We have made that very clear.
Q: As a follow-up, now that the Rapture seems to be postponed for God knows how long, does the administration have any response to the dismay being displayed by the Left Behind crowd?
A: I have good news for them. They can look forward to new installments for a very long time to come now.