Since I don’t know where My Son the U.S. Marine is in the process of departing from Iraq — we haven’t heard from him since Friday — I’ll continue to distract myself with displacement activities until he contacts us again.
Dum-de-dum-de-dum...
Well, it’s election season here in Britain. Local government elections take place across the U.K. on May 3rd. Since my husband, who’s both a town and a district councillor (the latter the equivalent of a low-level congressional seat in the U.S.), is running for office again, our house is chock-a-block with posters, pamphlets and political chums dropping by to discuss their own campaigns.
The elections process for local government here is a grass-roots operation. Compared to the U.S., miniscule amounts of money are spent on campaigns. Candidates are forbidden from appearing on television or radio for a month before the election (how's THAT for progressive?), and all published propaganda, which is generally delivered by hand to every household in a ward, must, by law, identify the candidate and the printer.
Meantime I’ll never forget the 2005 national elections here. We watched the returns on television at the home of local friends, who correctly felt it would be a good lesson in my ongoing education to make sense of the U.K. political process.
The returns process is visually quaint. All the candidates line up on a platform or stage for the results to be announced. The winner then sports a giant rosette in his or her lapel, like a horse who’s had a spiffing day at the track.
When the first district was ready to report its results, the tallies were called out for each party — and I experienced what could only be called a Monty Python moment. It went something like this:
* Conservatives: 21,537
* Labour: 15,228
* Liberal Democrat: 4,993
* British National Party: 2,858
* UK Independence Party: 357
* Green Party of England and Wales: 255
* Revolutionary Communist Party of Great Britain: 71
* Socialist Workers Party: 59
* Socialist Equality Party: 56
* Natural Law Party: 42
* UK Pensioners Party: 38
* Socialist Labour Party: 21
* Legalise Cannabis Alliance: 11
* Official Monster Raving Loony Party: 1
When I heard the final party name read out, I nearly fell off my chair. "The WHAT?!?!" I yelled. "The Monster Raving what party??" All turned and looked at me, including my British-born husband, as if I were the loony. "Oh, do you mean you’ve never heard of the Monster Raving Loony Party?" they asked, quite nonchalantly. "You mean it’s a legitimate party?" I squealed, my mouth agape. "Oh yes," they said, still maddeningly offhand, "they’ve been around since the 1960s, you know, when it was started by Screaming Lord Sutch."
Who????
And that’s when I nearly pissed in my pants. Because, if you remember, the Pythons had parodied the British elections process with a skit in which the candidates vying for seats included members from the Sensible Party, the Slightly Silly Party, the Silly Party, and . . . the Very Silly Party, whose total vote count was "nought."
The Monster Raving Loonies still exist, and the party boasts one councillor in Derbyshire. R.U. Seerius, the OMRLP candidate for the borough of Erewash, campaigned with the following slogan: "Work harder!! Millions on welfare depend on you." Mr Seerius did not prevail.
Come to think of it, I believe the U.S. has its own brand of Monster Raving Loonies.
It’s called the Republican Party.