The Army has asked for $20 billion to purchase new, safer "MRAP's," Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicles. Not to be confused with the vehicles in current use, "MFDT's," Mine Friendly Death Traps.
Three mortar rounds exploded near Tony Blair during his visit to Baghdad's Green Zone. It's not easy being a Green Zone.
A survey shows that per acre land values in Las Vegas have topped $40 million. Which makes it the most expensive pile of sand in the world----not counting Iraq.
Don't stray. This thing improves!
Al Sharpton apologized after saying "Those who really believe in God will defeat Romney." Al has never forgiven the Mormons for Donny & Marie.
The arrival of the USS Wasp in New York Harbor marks the start of "Fleet Week" that features half priced hookers, complimentary tattoos and 21-hand gesture salutes from NY cabbies.
Shrek III captured $122 million on its opening weekend, a record for an animated film. Entomologists were stunned. They had no idea that ogres fed on spiders.
A pornography crackdown in China has shuttered 13,000 smut shops. Authorities became suspicious when they spotted a menu item that read "With #3, you get Paris Hilton."
China has entered its first float in the Pasadena Rose Parade----a perfect knockoff of a float they saw in the Mardi Gras Parade.
The $592 million, 104 acre US Embassy in Baghdad is scheduled to open in September. Allen & Rossi have been signed to headline in the Fallujah Room.
Jimmy Carter called Bush "the worst president in US history," but Bush was unfazed, telling an aide "Martin Sheen is."
Utah Jazz point guard Deron Williams has "No Guts" tattooed on one arm and "No Glory" on the other. On the plus side, no misspellings.
The new autobiography of George Forman is called "God In My Corner." Probably that cut man who never had to use stitches.
US Census Bureau reports that by 2011, ten thousand people a day will turn 65, prompting CBS to order 5000 more "Murder She Wrote" reruns.
Congress will soon require airlines to provide stranded passengers with food, water, medical care and, in the case of JetBlue, a fitness coach after twelve hours on the tarmac.
SkyBus Airlines has launched a "no frills" service with fourteen jets. To reduce equipment costs, a sideshow freak guesses the weight of your luggage.
Paula Abdul broke her nose after stumbling over one of her chihuahuas. She wasn't sure whether it was "Simon" or "Cowell."
Paris Hilton was named #1 on Forbes Hot Billionaire
Heiresses List----ironically, the same week she was named Top Fugitive by "America's Most Wanted."
Britney Spears was ejected from an airline flight after complaining about the lack of leather seats in First Class. Brit doesn't much care for cloth panties, either.
New evidence has been uncovered that indicates Abraham Lincoln may have delivered the Gettysburg Address while suffering from smallpox. Looks like "fourscore and seven" may have been a reference to his temperature.
Excerpted from www.bereftontheleft.blogspot.com
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