President Bush bent a few rules of etiquette when meeting with Queen Elizabeth yesterday, implying she was over 200 years old and winking at her. But that was just in public. In private W is a relaxed and charming conversationalist, as you can see from the following transcript, captured by recording equipment left on by mistake.
<The President approaches the Queen and kisses her hand.>
W: Very pleased to meet you, your majesty.
Q: The pleasure is mine Mr President.
W: Ha, that's what Condi always says. And speak of the devil .. (calling) .. hey Afroditee, come on over here for a minute, meet my new best friend. Condi, this is ye olde homecoming queene. She's been running Europe since your mother was born.
Q: Charmed.
W: She remembers the 4th of July war, when our country was founded. Our first war with France. But not our last I'm sure!
Condi: Ha.
Q: <silence>
W: Soo, how's my pal Branson doing anyway? Still a commoner?
Q: Sir Richard is doing well I trust. He is an asset to England.
W: A horse's asset you mean! You're doing some kind of ad compaign with him aren't you?
Q: I'm sorry?
W: Ya know, he's got everyone calling you the Virgin Queen. What a joker that guy is!
Q: <silence>
Condi: Ha ha!
W: <winks>
Condi: <blushes>
Q: <silence>
W: Sorry, that was a little crude. I'm just a ol Texas boy ya know, a little rough round the edges. If we were back in England you'd probably be calling "off with his head" 'bout now I suppose. Eh, Bodecia?
Q: Perhaps so. Some find American honesty quite refreshing I am told.
W: It's just I get a little edgy see, with those reporters always bugging me. It's sort of like the Blitz here in Washington. Only it's a lot worse.
Q: <silence, looks sad>
W: So I like to lighten the mood. Nothing wrong with that, eh Brumhilda?
Q: Yes.
W: Hey, I just saw this movie, Lawrence of Arabia. Seemed like a Democrat to me, but what was he really like? You knew him when you were a young queen, right?
Q: <pause> No.
W: Too bad. Boy, you've got me talking up a blue streak. Which reminds me of this time at Yale, in the middle of the night in the middle of winter, everyone in the frat took off their clothes and ...
Q: <coughs, interupting the story>
W: Well anyway, blue streak, get it? I can tell you, the cold, it's not very flattering if you know what I mean.
Condi: <giggles>
W: Condi, you'd be more of a brown streak I suppose. I can just picture it.
Condi: <blushes>
Q: <smiles> Well, I must not keep you from your other guests. Good day. <nods, departs>
W: <curtseys>
Condi: <calling> Nice to meet you!
<pause>
W: <quietly> Well Condi, she's a pretty nice gal, but she doesn't have a lot to say. Nothing like Laura.
Condi: <blushes, looks down> No sir.