As you all must know by now (and if you don't, what rock have you been living under?!?), Apple is releasing the iPhone, its newest life-changing gadget, on June 29th. The iPhone will feature, among other things, a built-in camera, Web access via WiFi, a phone (duh), digital music player, e-mail, the Safari browser running on OS X, calendar, etc.--all accessed via a sleek touch-screen. The whole world is literally on pins and needles waiting to get its hands on this thing.
Some holier-than-thou journos are already growsing about the amount of hype the iPhone is generating. What self-appointed buzz censors like Shafer don't realize is that the halo of hype surrounding the iPhone is entirely justified--and more! Don't believe me? Check out this exclusive list of additional features I was able to get my hands on directly from Apple. Talk about burying the lead! See you on the flip.
Check out these iPhone features you didn't know abou--until now:
- iCure: an application that cures virtually any disease you can think of. Got cancer? Just click the icon on your nifty touch-screen and voilà--cancer be gone! Got Alzheimer's or Parkinson's? CLICK! Goodbye stem cells--hello iPhone!
- iBack: a time-machine application. That's right: the iPhone will let you travel back in time. How many of us would pass up the chance to travel back to 2000 and warn everybody about Bu$hCo?
- iKink: you know that dirty, kinky, forbidden sexual fantasy you've always wanted to try but were afraid to ask your partner to do it? The iPhone will do it, no questions asked.
- iGore: if you want to make Al Gore get off his fat ass and run for president, you definitely need to click this icon.
- iPeace: this nifty application is designed to make Israelis and Palestinians get along (still in beta though...some kinks need to be worked out).
- iParis: click this icon if you never want to see or hear about Paris Hilton again--ever. Don't ask how it works...just be glad it's there.
- iAp: as a sop to wingnuts, the iPhone includes an application that brings about the Apocalypse and the Final Judgment. Warning to wingnuts though: you may not like how it turns out for you!
- iDem: this app should be really useful next year--it fixes all the Democratic candidates flaws. It makes Hillary likable, Obama experienced, Edwards ugly, Richardson a good campaigner, Dodd interesting, Biden concise, Kucinich taller and Gravel sane.
Can there be any doubt that the hype surrounding the iPhone is entirely justified?
UPDATE: Here are some suggested additions to the iPhone from the thread:
- iPootie: this app would make cats scoop the litter box themselves. Are computer engineers up to this challenge?
- IMpeach: this application would unleash the impeachment of George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Alberto Gonzalez. Hey, if Democrats won't do it, somebody has to!
- iEye: - do-it-yourself Lasik
- iJoe: - makes espresso