Folks, I've found the perfect candidate and unfortunately, he's imaginary. In my opinion, the closest human replica is Al Gore, who isn't a candidate at all (although I might write his name in on the primary ballot). But for the moment let's forget Gore and go back to my imaginary friend.
Ted Sorenson, Kennedy's speech writer, wrote the speech the perfect candidate should give at the 2008 Democratic convention. He published it a few days ago in The Washington Monthly, but so far as I can tell it went unnoticed on DailyKos. Tonight it was read aloud, in full, on a segment of Air Americans hosted by David Bender.
Vice President Gore, when you announce your candidacy, hire Mr. Sorenson onto your campaign staff, PLEASE. Excerpts from the dream speech below.
All emphasis is mine.
Let me assure all those who may disagree with my positions that I shall hear and respect their views, not denounce them as unpatriotic as has so often happened in recent years. I will wage a campaign that relies not on the usual fear, smear, and greed but on the hopes and pride of all our citizens in a nationwide effort to restore comity, common sense, and competence to the White House.
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Nor will I shrink from calling myself a liberal, in the same sense that Franklin and Theodore Roosevelt, John and Robert Kennedy, and Harry Truman were liberals-liberals who proved that government is not a necessary evil, but rather the best means of creating a healthier, more educated, and more prosperous America.
They are the giants on whose shoulders I now stand, giants who made this a better, fairer, safer, stronger, more united America.
Just a note on that... I'm not sure how many Americans will understand when he says "comity" - most likely they'll hear "comedy." And there's no need to restore comedy to the White House. It's there. Every single time our Shrub in Chief puts his foot in his mouth.
And if no one knows what comity means (it means mutual civility and courteousness), it's because we haven't had any of it since I can remember.
My chief political consultant will be my conscience.
We remain essentially a nation under siege. The threat of another terrorist attack upon our homeland has not been reduced by all the new layers of porous bureaucracy that proved their ineptitude in New Orleans; nor by all the needless, mindless curbs on our personal liberties and privacy; nor by expensive new weaponry that is utterly useless in stopping a fanatic willing to blow himself up for his cause. Indeed, our vulnerability to another attack has only been worsened in the years since the attacks of September 11th
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We have adopted some of the most indefensible tactics of our enemies, including torture and indefinite detention.
We have degraded our military.
We have treated our most serious adversaries, such as Iran and North Korea, in the most juvenile manner-by giving them the silent treatment. In so doing, we have weakened, not strengthened, our bargaining position and our leadership.
At home, as health care costs have grown and coverage disappeared, we have done nothing but coddle the insurance, pharmaceutical, and health care industries that feed the problem.
As global warming worsens, we have done nothing but deny the obvious and give regulatory favors to polluters.
As growing economic inequality tarnishes our democracy, we have done nothing but carve out more tax breaks for the rich.
During these last several years, our nation has been bitterly divided and deceived by illicit actions in high places, by violations of federal, constitutional, and international law. I do not favor further widening the nation’s wounds, now or next year, through continuous investigations, indictments, and impeachments. I am confident that history will hold these malefactors accountable for their deeds, and the country will move on.
Instead, I shall seek a renewal of unity among all Americans, an unprecedented unity we will need for years to come in order to face unprecedented danger.
OK, we're liberals so I know we've got at least a few other Jews among us... does anyone else feel like this section of the speech was taken out of a Yom Kippur service? When hearing it read, I felt like I was supposed to be saying "Amen" after each paragraph.
To meet the threats we face and restore our place of leadership in the free world, I pledge to do the following:
First, working with a representative Iraqi parliament, I shall set a timetable for an orderly, systematic redeployment and withdrawal of all our troops in Iraq, including the recall of all members of the National Guard to their primary responsibility of guarding our nation and its individual states.
Second, this redeployment shall be only the first step in a comprehensive regional economic and diplomatic stabilization plan for the entire Middle East, building a just and enduring peace between Israel and Palestine, halting the killing and maiming of innocent civilians on both sides, and establishing two independent sovereign states, each behind peacefully negotiated and mutually recognized borders.
Third, I shall as soon as possible transfer all inmates out of the Guantanamo Bay prison and close down that hideous symbol of injustice.
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Fifth, I shall personally sign the Kyoto Protocol, and seek its ratification by the United States Senate, in order to stop global warming before it endangers all species on earth, including our own; and I shall call upon the Congress to take action dramatically reducing our nation’s reliance on the carbon fuels that are steadily contributing to the degradation of our environment.
Can I just say: you had me at "orderly, systematic redeployment and withdrawal"? I love this - it's not losing a war. It's framing it as an occupation, which is not a very American thing to do, and pledging to end it.
And look at the prominence of global warming in this! It's number 5 on the list. Number 5 after the very big #s one, two, three, and four of ending the occupation, retaking our place as a leader (not a bully) in the world, working with the UN without throwing office supplies at them a la John Bolton, and dealing with all of the issues surrounding Gitmo - torture, habeas corpus, etc. I'd say that's the right amount of priority we should start placing on global warming - and it's about time, too!!
I'll let you go read the entire thing yourself, but for now, here's how my imaginary friend-and-future-president wraps his speech up:
Let us all, here assembled in this hall, or watching at home, constitute ourselves, rededicate ourselves, as soldiers in a new army. Not an army of death and destruction, but a new army of voters and volunteers, in a new wave of workers for peace and justice at home and abroad, new missionaries for the moral rebirth of our country. I ask for every citizen’s help, not merely those who live in the red states or those who live in the blue states, but every citizen in every state. Although we may be called fools and dreamers, although we will find the going uphill, in the words of the poet: "Say not the struggle naught availeth." We will change our country’s direction, and hand to the generation that follows a nation that is safer, cleaner, less divided, and less fearful than the nation we will inherit next January.
I’m told that John F. Kennedy was fond of quoting Archimedes, who explained the principle of the lever by declaring: "Give me a place to stand, and I can move the world." My fellow Americans-here I stand. Come join me, and together we will move the world to a new era of a just and lasting peace.
OK, can I cry?