I hear that MetaJesus himself will be at this year's YearlyKos. However due to his unhealthy addiction to Chicago deep dish pizza he is unlikely to be available to counsel us on how to deal with the real life version of the trolls that it is our burden or past time(trashablanca, condoleaser, Warren Terrer etc. seem to enjoy it) as the case may be as TU's. So a tour guide to the types or real life trolls one will encounter at YearlyKos.
We are unlikely to encounter many of the Troll Troll type say for example this guy.
As with any large group of people there will be one of the 5th Troll Type "The Simple Asshole. Since I am coming it looks like we've reached our statistical limit. Other simple assholes will have to wait 'til the next YearlyKos as I have already called dibs on that.
As noted previously convention trolls are different than online trolls and are thus unaffected by donuts, recipies from the Troll House Cookbook, pootie pics from CuteOverload or block quotes from the FAQ.
Convention Trolls are not known for SHOUTING OBSCENITY LACED PERSONAL ATTACKS AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS!!!
Hotel security can be counted on to take care of the few exceptions to this rule.
Convention trolls instead tend to ignore the following guidelines.
Convention Etiquette - Remember you are being watched!
As this is the First Ever, Real Santa Convention, the World will all be seeing us via the extensive media coverage that will also be attending.
As such, each of us has a responsibility to our fellow Santas and guests, to put our 'best-foot-forward.' Of course, all of us will be excited and running all over the place. (Yes, some of us do still run!) Here are a few suggestions.
- Always try to look your best. Check the mirror when ever you leave your room. Even if you are just wearing a golf shirt and shorts, You should look sharp! Remember how you look reflects on all of us as a whole.
- Please no Tank tops or T-Shirts with logos from beverage companies or other commercial products. "North Polar-wear' and other Holiday oriented t-shirts are fine.
- When talking or socializing with other Santa's please be aware that the media will be everywhere. And they will pick up on anything you say, good or bad.
- Don't "Barge-In" on another Santa's moment. If a Santa is talking to a child or family, let him have the moment. Don't go running over and step on his opportunity. We have seen this done at other Santa gatherings and to be blunt, it is rude. It makes us look like a bunch of clowns.
Remember, we are the best in our business. Please look professional.
Since we are talking about convention Etiquette this week, now is also a good time to discuss a few Do's and Don'ts
- Do look sharp and neat whether you are wearing a sport shirt and slacks or shorts and a t-shirt. First appearances say it all.
- Do be courteous to other Santas when they are talking to a child or family
- Do be prepared with some answers if and when you might get approached by the media. There is nothing wrong with you having practiced your answers to the basic questions.
Easy questions like. How many years have you been a Santa? How did you get started? What is your most memorable moment?
By the way, the best memorable moments are those that are touching and warm or very joyful. What is your most memorable moment? Be ready to answer that question.
- DON'T wear Shirts with Ads for your favorite beverage, sports team, etc. As Jeff Foxworthy Says, "It's Ok to wear a plain Shirt!"
- DON'T - wear tank tops or shirts that are too short. Look Sharp even if you are just wearing a T- shirt.
Fashion experts suggest big men wearing their belts around the naval area, not below your belly and wear shirts that are one size larger, either tucking them in or for big folks, wearing them un-tucked. It looks much nicer.
- DON'T Interrupt or hover around the media. If they want to talk to you they will come to you. Reporters hate it when someone is pushy or thinks they have a great story.
If you have a good story, tell our Public Relations Chairperson. He will offer it, along with other story opportunities, to the media. By the way if your story is local in nature, it will probably do well with your local newspapers. Our PR chairman will help you get that story out.
OK so maybe not the best convention to get rules from.
For more on conventions consult the good folks at This American Life