No, not budget deficit. I'm talking about Attention Deficits and Learning Deficits. This section of the "A Little Bit Special" series will come in two parts. Todays will simply explain what my deficits are and how they affect my every day life. Next Sunday will be about growing up with these deficits being undiagnosed. (They weren't diagnosed until my 4th year of college.)
Follow me below the fold for a look at a day in the life of me.
I have three deficits: An auditory processing deficit, a short-term memory deficit, and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) combined type.
Auditory processing is the hardest to explain. Basically, things for me sometimes "go in one ear and out the other." It is tied into the ADHD, but not completely. I can hear people talking, yet have no clue what they are actually saying. There is nothing physically wrong with my hearing... I have had hearing tests and can hear just fine. However, the information coming at me auditorally is not processed correctly. Wikipedia explained it better: "Problems relating what has been said with its meaning, despite obvious recognition that a word has been said, as well as repetition of the word." and "Separating speech sounds from background noise, pink sound, such as the sound of a radio, television or a noisy bar, it can be difficult to impossible to understand speech, depending on the severity of the auditory processing disorder." I have a hard time telling from which directions sounds are coming, as well.
Short-term memory deficit is easy to explain... it sounds just like it is. I have problems holding and manipulating information stored in my short-term memory. I know exactly when things transfer into my long-term memory, because that's when I remember them. I reminded myself yesterday that this diary was supposed to be written last night and put up early this morning. But, I forgot about it until 9:30 this morning.
Most people know what ADHD is, but don't know that the definitions have recently changed. There is no such thing as ADD any longer. When I was diagnosed, the psychologist told me that it is all called ADHD now, and that it is split into three types: inattentive, hyperactive, and combined. I have the combined type (both inattentive and hyperactive). The H in ADHD refers to what is going on in the brain. The executive control process (the part of the brain that controls what you pay attention to) is working overtime. It can't sort out what information it is receiving is the most important, so it tries to give all information equal importance. Right now, I'm trying to keep my focus on this diary, but someone is hammering in the apartment down the hall, and my husband is moving his leg (which I can see out of the corner of my eye) so those are getting equal importance. The reason why stimulants work for people with ADHD is that they give the Executive Control Process that extra boost it needs to sort through the information. Hyperactivity (being fidgety all the time) is self-medication for people with ADHD because the sensory input helps stimulate the brain.
One thing to keep in mind while reading this diary: Most of these things that I explain happen to everyone at some point or another. We all forget things. We all misunderstand things. The difference between me and everyone else is that it happens much more frequently and to a greater degree than for "normal" people.
I have the perfect example of how all of these things come together and affect my day-to-day life. ADHD is both a blessing and a curse to me in my job. I have my degree in Child Development and work in a daycare. My favorite age group is 2s and 3s, but I recently had to switch to working with school agers. 2s and 3s were too much for me to cope with. I can't focus 110% like one needs to with that age group. I also have a hard time taking instructions from others because of my processing deficits. Once, the head teacher in my room asked me if I could do something, "within the next 20 minutes." I said, "Sure" and then went back to what I was doing. Why? Because I processed what she said as, "in 20 minutes." Another thing Wikipedia said about APD is "because people with APD are used to guessing to fill in the processing gaps, they may not even be aware that they have misunderstood something." Not only am I used to guessing, but I'm used to finding gaps in what people are saying to respond to make it seem as if I'm understanding them, even when I'm not. I got accused of ignoring people and not listening all the time when I was a kid before this got diagnosed, and it used to get me in a lot of trouble, so that's how I coped.
Of course, having a short-term memory deficit is a problem in any job, but it's also a problem in every day life. I forget appointments so easily. I forget anything unless I write it down and put it in a place where I know I'll see it multiple times per day. Post-It notes are the greatest invention ever. ;)
Let me see if I can successfully explain 15 minutes of my life.
I'm getting ready for work. I look around frantically for my shoes. As I'm looking for my shoes, I walk past the dining room table and see my hair brush sitting there. I pick up my hair brush and walk to the bathroom to brush my hair, forgetting about my shoes. I put my brush in it's basket, walk out of the bathroom, trip over one of the cats, and realize they haven't been fed. I go to the kitchen, open the refigerator to get their food, and see the apple juice. I realize I'm thirsty and pull it out and pour some, completely forgetting about feeding the cats. I come into the living room with my glass of apple juice and walk past my shoes. I set down my glass and put on my shoes. Then I go off in search of my keys. While looking for my keys, I see the bills laying on the table and realize that one of them is due that day. I pick it up and go in search of my checkbook, laying the bill down somewhere else along the way. I walk past the clock, realize I'm going to be late if I don't leave in 5 minutes, find the checkbook, keys, and bill, and trip over a cat on the way out the door. I remember I haven't fed them, so I set down my things, put out some food for them, spend another 5 minutes frantically searching for the things I just set down, and then I'm finally on my way to work. I'll come home to that half-drank glass of apple juice knocked onto the floor by one of the cats.
Luckily, my husband has a great memory and is pretty mellow and well-organized, so he helps keep me from losing my mind. ;)