Have you ever had a really nosy next-door neighbor? Someone always looking in the windows to see if you’re home or telling you how to plant your vegetables? Really making a nuisance out of herself just because she can? Well, it seems the Virginia General Assembly is the new Gladys Cravitz on the block.
The same brain trust that brought us the spurious and discriminatory Marriage Protection Amendment is now attempting to "save" marriage through even more legislation...because that always works, right? And Attorney General Bob McDonnell is, of course, again on board. The conservative Family Foundation has formed a commission that will recommend public policies that "could preserve" marriages, said Victoria Cobb, the group’s executive director. And, conveniently enough, her husband, Matt Cobb, is an assistant attorney general and represents McDonnell's office on the commission. How cozy. Combine these cozy relationships with the closed door meetings they have been having with other aides to elected officials and it sounds, as Alice in Wonderland would say, "curiouser and curiouser."
The Family Foundation’s obsession with the sanctity of marriage, or rather, intrusion into our family life, cannot be overstated. After leading the charge in the ban on gay marriage, the organization also promoted a bill that would have required the consent of both spouses to divorce if the household had children younger than 18. Wait a minute; I thought conservatives were for a more limited government?!? And following this logic, I wonder how the Family Foundation feels about abstinence-only based sex education and if their feelings will eventually (or already do) bleed into public policy in our school systems...because sex should only happen after marriage...and marriage is apparently the state’s business...where does the scope of the state’s interest in marriage end? I’m almost scared to ask.
In Virginia it is relatively cheap to get married. All you need is a valid ID and you can get married on the same day. It took me longer to get approved to get into an online news forum! It seems like if the state truly does have a vested interest in family life – and perhaps it does – then the focus should be put on the front end of the equation. Meaning, pre-marital counseling should be the frontline defense being discussed. I know my granny didn’t invent the saying, but she used to tell us, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Involving counseling as part of the process to getting a marriage license is a better way for the state to "encourage lifelong marriage through public policy." Being affiliated with the military, I know that new sailors get a whole slew of counseling courses when they get indoctrinated. Financial and family budgeting, expectations within the family...topics that need to be discussed at the get-go to set everyone up for success. That approach is much more effective than waiting till the downward spiral, don’t ya think? I also read an opinion piece from a local paper that advocated for state sponsored programs to help couples work through financial, sexual or child-raising conflicts – some of the top reasons that marriages fail. Both of these approaches sound more efficient than erecting roadblocks for people who have already decided to call it quits.
Like so many issues, the key is prevention. This topic could have been about healthcare, education, family planning, crime or any number of other issues that the Christian conservatives seem to want state or federal control of, even while they disparage Democrats as the party of big government. The problem is their approaches tend to exacerbate the symptoms rather than actually getting to the root of the problem.
Crossposted at www.idealistlefty.blogspot.com