August 6, 2007 (AP)
Capping off a two week attack on the popular liberal website, DailyKos.com, Fox News personality Bill O'Reilly announced his "most shocking and disturbing revelation yet" about the site.
"The Kos is a bastion of hateful language and vile imagery, but we never expected to find that using the site can actually lower sperm counts and make men functionally infertile. I told you they were Nazis, and this proves it. Now you can see they are deeply involved in eugenics and controlling who is able to reproduce. Disgusting!"
The latest attack comes after a recent study in The Oxford Journal of Human Reproduction found that using a laptop computer held in the lap generated enough heat to raise testicular temperatures and lower sperm count.
O'Reilly's guest, Dr. Warner Johnson noted that while men using a laptop to frequently access the Daily Kos website might experience decreased fertility, the same applied to other websites including Fox News and O'Reilly's forum (subscription required). Unfortunately there was some sort of technical malfuntion and Dr. Johnson's microphone was cut off before he could finish his argument.
O'Reilly response was pointed. "Do not try to make this about me or my premium forum. The study showed that prolonged use of the computer was necessary. Anyone familiar with the Fox News website, or my own knows that the average user spends only 15-20 seconds at these sites before moving on."
Markos Moulitsas Zuniga, founder of the Daily Kos website and father of two, released this statement. "There is absolutely no truth to the claim that our website has any negative impact to the health of our users. Rather, the average DailyKos reader is far more likely to be correctly informed about this and other issues related to their health than the average Factor viewer. In addition, I would like to thank Mr. O'Reilly for bringing this important study to our attention. While the median age of O'Reilly viewers is 65+ and not likely to be doing any family planning, two thirds of Daily Kos users are under the age of 50."(The median age of a Kos user is 40-44.)
This exchange comes after two weeks of attacks by O'Reilly on what he calls the most hateful site on the internet. Pointing to comments posted on the site that called the Pope a primate and an altered image that depicted Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman performing a sexual service on the President, he has declared the website on par with Nazis and the KKK.
Later in the broadcast, Mr. O'Reilly did offer some advice to his viewers. "Now I'm not a doctor, but if you somehow find yourself on DailyKos please take care to shield your genitals. Personally I recommend a damp loofa to the scrotum. This will insulate the area and have a pleasent cooling affect."
The study says nothing about the effects that laptop use has on the female reproductive cycle, but experts are quick to point out that moderate heat has no negative impact on female fertility as the reproductive organs are all internal. Mr. O'Reilly was quick to seize on this information.
"I wouldn't encourage anyone to visit the DailyKos, but it appears there is no danger to women's fertility posed by the site. Rather the warmth of the laptop battery actually increases the flow of blood to the labia majora and labia minora and may increase sensitivity and sex drive. I recommend that women visit my site for 20-40 minutes a day. They may feel a slight tingle and and flush to their soft, creamy skin. If the stimulation from the computer is not enough, you might considering using a warm falafel down there."