My family against Alabama and hoochy koochy dancers and cheerleading for little girls and teaching my granddaughter how to pray.
The stiff, starchy, Lutheran Scandinavian values of my family have had another run-in with Alabama.
The other run-ins have involved the blatant postering of hoochy koochy dancers on billboards on the routes my grandchildren take to school everyday. Thank goodness, there seem to be enough rigidly starchy Scandinavian Lutherans around here in Washington State to keep that kind of thing under control–although I have seen a sign on Pac Highway South of Seattle promising lots and lots of happy female dancers save for one grumpy one. She’s probably the Lutheran in the crowd.
Then, my youngest, very cute blonde granddaughter was hijacked into a tots cheerleading enterprise. Of course, what little girl of that age is not totally thrilled with the idea of being a cheerleader? So my daughter went along with the cheerleader gang to keep peace in the family and kind of spy out the dynamics of those kinds of shenanigans. It was expected that it involved investing in a cute cheerleading costume, pompoms and the other infernal paraphernalia that cheerleaders have to have.
I was privileged to witness the entire cheerleading repertoire of my granddaughter around last Thanksgiving and, of course, it was deucedly cute, especially when it’s your granddaughter invovled–and most of it was relatively inoffensive, save for a few decidedly hoochy koochy moves part of the cheerleading repertoire. I kept my eyes from turning red and the smoke from coming out of my ears until my granddaughter was safely out of sight and sound, but it was demned unnerving to see a little girl making moves like that. Which led me to think that Southern values are pretty doggone pitiful when it comes to what girls, women, and females ought to be.
I do not intend for my granddaughters to grow up to be hoochy koochy dancers under any circumstances–and I don’t have very much respect for a society that sets up that kind of a career path for young ladies.
Fortunately, my granddaughter seems to have outgrown the cheerleading stage and is now learning how to play soccer. I believe that my daughter’s family may have been instrumental in introducing soccer as a sport for young ladies in that area. OK, to be honest, I do believe that girls were playing soccer in Alabama before my daughter’s family got there but I think my granddaughters entrance into the field may give the sport a decent kick in the rear. And their dad seems to be doing a goodly part of this by coaching soccer and encouraging young women to play the game.
As my daughter said, the exercise a child gets from playing soccer is a lot more comprehensive and energetic than the restricted hoochy koochy moves of cheerleading.
But the billboards extolling hoochy koochy dancers are still around. And a new Alabama cloud of darkness has appeared.
A teacher wants to teach my granddaughter "how to pray."
You simply cannot imagine the consternation a Lutheran experiences when a Baptist, an American Baptist at that, wants to teach a Lutheran how to pray. You simply do not want to go there. It’s likely to visit a Lutheran jihad upon you.
This is something that is totally inappropriate in a school district for all kinds of reasons that go far beyond Lutheran sensibilities. I do not believe that the Baptists of the South would be very happy if an army of Lutherans invaded their territory in order to teach them "how to pray."
And, this is only one of the reasons why prayer in public school is grossly inappropriate. The pathetic sort of generic prayer that one would be obliged to mutter under such public circumstances would be demeaning and dishonoring of any respectable deity.
In Christianity, Christ himself has spoken very plainly about this matter, Matthew 6:5-6:
And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet and when thou has shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret, and thy Father which seest in secret shall reward thee openly.
And, by golly, don’t you dare to teach my granddaughter to be a hypocrite! We don’t allow that in my family. Not to mention the fact that those who don’t pray because of religious differences or because they simply don’t believe in prayer should not be singled out for not being one of the hypocritical herd.
And, if you pray, let it be private and heartfelt, not pitiful, hypocritical and generic and in a crowd.