There is a candidate you should all consider. He's not a Democrat; the democrats have shown that they cannot truly take the country forward. Nor is he a Republican. He's not a member of the greens or any conventional third party, what have they ever done for us? And no, it's not Bloomberg.
I'm talking about Cthulhu, the thinking man's Bloomberg.
Now I realise that this might seem like a radical proposal but bear with me. No one ever changed the world through old style partisanship. America's true values are never represented and ultimately it makes America suffer because of the petty feuding of politicians who cannot get over their differences in order to defend the true values of this great nation.
Cthulhu has the experience, aeon after aeon contemplating the foibles of man. Cthulhu is deeply religious; he is the high priest of the great old ones. Cthulhu has radical plans that will change the way we and the rest of the world exist. He's a creature of experience and values, but also of change.
He's tough on crime, he's tough on everything. I can guarantee that it's safe to put him in charge of the nuclear button because he has no need to use it. He's not pro gun control; in fact he rather enjoys the feel of bullet's richoeting uselessly off his skin. He's against abortion; it means fewer souls to devour.
Cthulhu will level the healthcare system and start all over again. Come to think of it he'll level the economy, the welfare system, the education system and the military. He'll cleanse Washington (among other places.) He'll unite us all (in terror, as we flee from his mighty wrath.) He's against taxes, he has no use for them.
Vote for no more years! Cthulhu 08, why vote for a lesser evil?
Please post more Cthulhu Materiel!
( This diary draws on memes from the Cthulhu 08 movement though the majority of the materiel is my own. The slogans "No more years" and "Why vote for a lesser evil?" are not my creation though they are not trademarks or any other sort of intellectual property. This diary is part of the hunting of the snarks series, if you enjoyed it why not subscribe?)