This is in response to teacherken's question. As a counselor, I've trained people in values clarification. It's a process that can help make your actions congruent with your values, and in doing so, can make the result of your choices more in line with the direction you want your life to go. When we try to make choices based on a given situation, we can easily get confused by all the elements involved. But when we make choices based on what value we want to express in a given situation, the way becomes much clearer. So, jump with me to a values clarification exercise and the step-by-step process...
Terminal Values
This exercise is designed to help you decide what terminal values you would most like to see manifested in the world. These represent ultimate goals, or what Milton Rokeach (the originator of the term "terminal values") called "end states of existence." In other words, what do you want your world to look like? While thinking about which 6 values you most want, ask yourself why you want them. Choose your top 6 values, then ask yourself which one you could be the "poster child" for.
A world at Peace (free of war and conflict)
Family Security (taking care of loved ones)
Freedom (independence, free choice)
Equality (brotherhood, equal opportunity for all)
Self-respect (self esteem)
Happiness (contentedness)
Wisdom (a mature understanding of life)
National security (protection from attack)
Salvation (saved, eternal life)
True friendship (close companionship)
A sense of accomplishment (a lasting contribution)
Inner Harmony (freedom from inner conflict)
A comfortable life (a prosperous life)
Mature love (sexual and spiritual intimacy)
A world of beauty (beauty of nature and the arts)
Pleasure (an enjoyable leisurely life)
Social recognition (respect, admiration)
An exciting life (a stimulating active life)
The Process
- Determine what you want in terms of terminal values. Now think about that list. Put your values in order and see which one comes out on top. While you're trying to decide keep these things in mind:
--what direction your life has taken so far
--what value has been most important to you in making choices
--what value would you like to see be the most important in
the world
--what value do others say you seem to naturally express
--which values can you let go of and not feel you're letting
go of who you are
- Look at your top values and ask yourself: "Which of those do I think I have the greatest personal resources to effect." In other words, what can you actually, practically, realistically, DO? Which of your values can you manifest in the world. What talents, abilities, skills, knowledge do you possess? What are your personal assets? Make a list if you think that might help.
- Wait, be patient, ponder, don't rush the decision-making process.
- Choose action--what you will do. Match your talents to your values. How can you use what you have to do what you want.
- Focus. When you know what you are doing and why and it matches your skills and you've thought about it, focus on it. Don't play the waterfront, don't spread yourself too thin. And watch the energy flow. When it looks like a shower, not a faucet, you are not focused. In other
words, once you know what direction you need to go in, go there and don't get sidetracked by alluring scenery :)
- Persevere, persevere, persevere...
- Conspire. Make connections. You don't have to do it all nor should you expect others to do yours. In other words, you need to focus on what you do best and look for others who are doing similar things in different ways or different arenas. You don't have to go it alone but you have to do it yourself. Don't get upset by everything, but get upset by something. Remember that it is the sum total of all, and not just your own sum total, that counts.
- Party!
It's important to do these steps in order (except for 1 and 2) and to not rush any of them.
I hope that's helpful. Please recommend if you think it is.