First the yadda, yadda, yadda:
WYFP is our community's Saturday evening gathering to talk about our problems, empathize with one another, and share advice, pootie pictures, favorite adult beverages, and anything else that we think might help. Everyone and all sorts of troubles are welcome. May we find peace and healing here. Won't you please share the joy of WYFP by recommending?
Now, the breathtaking prose, life-changing observations and reality-altering analysis. Or whatever.
Well, the truth is we’re all living my real FP in diary after diary after diary around here.
But I don’t want to talk about that. I’m sick to death of it all, so I’m going to talk about random FPs. Those little day-to-day FPs that live underappreciated lives, barely noticed - brushed off as trivial in this "Your candidate is PAZOOOZOOOO!!!11" world.
Join me for those FPs that bravely soldier on, not earth-stopping, but annoying nonetheless. As they occur to me and not in order of severity:
1. Clumping cat litter. In October, we got two kittens. We’ve made the upstairs bathroom their "base" at night, complete with a covered cat box. But the litter doesn’t stay in the box. They manage to get it all over the floor. Have you ever stepped on granules of clumping cat litter when your feet are wet from the shower? No? Try it sometime. Plus one of the kittens likes to hang his head and upper body over the edge of the tub while we shower. Water doesn’t bother him in the least. Do you know what happens when a wet cat starts flinging clumping cat litter in a closed cat box? No? Use your imagination.
2. I preface this with the addon"...and I couldn’t live without him". Ten-year-old boys. He could be forced to run through the fiercest ice storm naked and then eat raw lima beans mixed with mud. Or he could bathe. If given the choice, I know which one he’d pick.
3. I preface this with the addon "...and to think, I used to live without him". Husbands. He could be captured by warriors who would tie him up and throw him on a hill of fire ants. Or he could, JUST THIS ONCE, pick up his dirty work socks and throw them in the hamper. If given the choice, I know he’d just laugh and say "You love my stinky socks!" Which would just make me laugh, which would only make me resent the socks MORE.
4. Finding a school for my kid. He goes to middle school next year and we have to pick one and apply and blah, blah, blah. I know it should be fun and exciting. Instead, it's wierdly intimidating and labor-intensive. And I have to slap a smile on it for my astute little man.
5. MY freakin’ "Independent" wingnut uncle. Did you all know that illegal aliens are RUINING THIS COUNTRY?!? And that liberals HATE AMERICA?!? And that George Double Ewe Bush is a MAN OF GOD? No? Well, by all means, allow me to give Uncle Fathead your email address because he’d be more than happy to spam your ass to Walmart and back.*
(*and don't forget to turn up your speakers, because every single god-fearing, flag-waving, eagle-flapping, apple-pie shoveling masterpiece comes with its own ever-lovin', red-blooded, patriotic, angel-heralding, seizure-inducing soundtrack! AND if you don't broadcast this fine piece of vein-popping, eye-bulging, teeth-gnashing Red! White! and Blue! action from sea to shining sea via YOUR email then the TERRORISTS have WON!)
6. Lieberman. Yeah, I know, this one is so perennial that's it's almost not fair, but every week that I think I don't have any FPs, I always fall back on Joe. It's reassuring in a way. If your life's going so well that you're feeling guilty, just think about Lieberman. Always good for at least a few minutes of discontent.
7. Raising other people’s children for a living. I’m a nanny, and I enjoy it. The FP aspect comes from parents who insist on living in blind denial. "I just don’t understand why little Angel behaves the way he/she does!" Listen people, barring legitimate mental or medical problems, there is only ever one answer to "Why does little Angel..." The answer is "BECAUSE YOU LET THEM." Honestly, folks, I can’t believe that parents are so adamantly clueless. It’s as though there’s some sort of masochism involved.
And, just for the record, I’m damned good at what I do. It’s the only part of my life where I have near complete self-confidence. Parents frequently say, "I just don’t understand why they’re so good for you; they’re so well-behaved and happy when they’re with you!" Really? Cause I know exactly why that is. They’re called "boundaries," parents. Applied fairly and with affection, kids not only accept them, but thrive on them. Try a few sometime, if it's not too late.
8. My final FP - the folks that I miss around these parts. To preface: So many folks have joined and have become wonderful, valuable members of the community in the past months. Sometimes I look at a UID for some reason and think to myself "Man, I can’t believe that person has only been here that long!"
But other times I grab a link to something wayback, and I find the ghosts of names long since gone, and suddenly I miss them. Sometimes I remember the conflagration that sent them packing. Many times I don’t. The worst is when I didn’t even realize that they’d gone. I’ll link to something from a couple of years ago and think "Oh, my god. I haven’t seen that name in forever. I can’t believe I haven’t missed their words. Their insight..." This isn’t just primary/candidate related crap. It’s deeper than that by a long shot. It’s growth,and change, and letting go.
A moment then, if you will, for those who have moved on - both in the ultimate sense, and in the figurative sense. We all find a place – and this one is ours. For now. I’m glad to have shared this space with so many that have journeyed forward. And I’m glad to be with all of you here, this evening.
What’s on your mind tonight?