In a final gasp for traction and votes, former Senator John Edwards, Senator Barack Obama, and Senator Hillary Clinton all contracted their diaphragms drawing oxygenated gases from the atmosphere into the brachial passages of their lungs. Not even seconds later, all 3 had expelled the now carbon dioxide enhanced gaseous chemical mixture through their vocal cords causing vibrations that were actually audible by the eardrums of other sentient beings within a 50 foot radius. New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson was seen covering his mouth in what could only be described as an extended intake of oxygenated gases, scientifically termed "a yawn". What does this all mean for the fate of the nation? After recommending this diary, follow me below the fold!
Please recommend this diary to ensure that this critical breaking news from Iowa does not get overshadowed by all the other less significant news of the day such as an "outside prosecutor being assigned to criminal probe of CIA torture tape destruction", "Sibel Edmonds Case: Benazir and The 'Islamic' Bomb", "Impeach Cheney "Sit in" at Congressman Nadler's office today", "Demolished Part 2 - a further New Orleans tale", or "The Credit Crises are THE Story of 2007" - or the, yawn (hat tip to Richardson), $100 per barrel oil. My fellow Kossacks are all well aware of these daily, mundane "news" items, but what of the events in Iowa. That’s right. Unbeknownst to a vast majority of the readers of this site, there is a physiological event unfolding in Iowa shaking the very foundations of life on this Earth!!!
Let me explain: as answers.com notes
Breathing is the spontaneous taking in and giving out of air from the lungs, the product of the visible movements of the ribcage and abdomen. In earlier years breathing was synonymous with life itself, for with the ‘last breath’ its absence signified death and departure of the soul. However, in the late nineteenth Century, the advent of a scientific understanding of its nature and basis and, later, the development of life support measures, meant that this view was no longer tenable, giving rise to new moral and ethical dilemmas as to when life support can be withdrawn.
There is distinct evidence, witnessed by media, bloggers, and innocent bystanders alike, that all 3 of the top contenders for the Democratic nomination are in fact breathing! And not only that, you will not believe what wikipedia.org suggests they are taking into their bodies in a fit of chemical dependency so great as to defy any addiction treatment or intervention:
...roughly (by molar content/volume) 78% nitrogen, 20.95% oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.038% carbon dioxide, trace amounts of other gases, and a variable amount (average around 1%) of water vapor. This mixture of gases is commonly known as air.
..To defy any treatment except one!!! Perfluorocarbon Enhanced Gas Exchange! As demonstrated in James Cameron's 1989 film "The Abyss" when Virgil 'Bud' Brigman pleasantly chooses to breath this more natural and uterine alternative to atmospheric gasses when diving to confront deep sea terrestrial aliens in an oceanic abyss - i.e. a workable technology ignored by all the leading contenders on the campaign trail. Also revealed in Wikipedia as:
a technique in which a PFC is instilled into the lung to a volume approximating functional residual capacity (approximately 40% of TLC (Total Lung Capacity)). Conventional mechanical ventilation delivers tidal volume breaths on top of this.
Why such critical breaking news about the physiological activities of the candidates in Iowa is not at the top of the rec list, let alone the top of the front page, or deservedly on the moniker of dailykos.com is a tragic oversight of the events that hold the nation captive.
I myself can attest that I have not taken a breath since I was violently spanked by an obstetrician after being evicted from my first domicile. Had I teeth, I might have bit him, but instead felt compelled to expel the more natural fluid from my lungs and inhale my first, and only breath to date. That the leading Democratic contenders in Iowa are continually and repeatedly inhaling this chemical gaseous mixture both in front of potential voters and in the privacy of their own homes is surely the most riveting, explosive, and critical news of the past 90 days. So again, I urge you, lest you let such an astounding revelation about the candidate you think you are supporting sink beneath the muck of mundane and irrelevant news that now fills the rec list, let this diary see the light of day so that all will deeply and duly consider the urgent breaking news that Edwards, Obama, and Clinton all breathed! (And Richardson yawned - (FURTHER BREAKING) - possibly twice!!).