The primaries have turned me even more angry and bitter, cynical and sad than the inaction of our Congressional leadership has. I didn't think that was possible, and infact I thought it would be quite the opposite. You see, I had a dream one night. It wasn't the usual dream, where Blackwater brutally takes over America after Bush declares Martial Law and all of our armed forces are broken or overseas and can't stop armed Religio-Fascists from acting out scenes from the Left Behind videogame.
No, it was a different dream. My dream was that our Presidential Candidates in and out of the Senate would actually try to show us what leaders they're capable of being while campaigning, instead of speaking in empty platitudes, promises, and trash-talking. I will now address the four Democratic candidates still in the race one at a time, and tell them why none of them have earned my vote so far in the primary.
Dennis Kucinich: I like you the best. You get top billing because you're the only one actually doing his job. You're actively trying to take down the Emperor from within a useless Congress, and for this I commend you. I wish you could be more effective, convince more people to back you, show the organizational skills of running a winning campaign, and actually get something done. But I like you the best because unlike Obama and Clinton, you're actually trying. And unlike Clinton and Edwards, you didn't vote for the Iraq war. Or the Patriot Act. Your track record is clean in my eyes, and I might vote for you if I feel confident enough in the fact that my vote won't really mean much anyhow. Because we both know you aren't winning anything. But I actually hope you keep running, because I want to see you make a speech at the convention.
Barack Obama: I like you second best. You were against the Iraq war from the start, and everyone in America seems to like you. You could win over the "independent" and "undecided" voters with your platitudes and personality alone, because that's what counts for these people. But where is your leadership in the Senate? You've had a few years to show me that you actually care about doing your job there (the accountability thing on the internet is a nice, tiny little start), but where is your powerfully effective and charismatic voice when it comes to things like, oh, the war, impeachment, executive lawlessness, telecom immunity, and any number of sick scandals dripping down on us all from the top of our Government? Oh, that's right. You're playing it safe. Reagan didn't win in 1980 by playing it safe, though. He played it safe in 84. I have no idea what it looks like when you're actually getting something done that isn't in Republican interests. And by getting something done, I mean making actual change. Not the failures to make change that Hillary crows about. Where were you when Chris Dodd was alone in the trenches? Telling audiences how awesome you are?
And where were you, Hillary? I like you less than I like John Edwards right now, because at least he had the decency and moral clarity to apologize for his role in our Adventure in Iraq. You attack Obama for not always voting for his principles on Iraq in the Senate, but you simply have no principles when it comes to our foreign policy. And you lie in public. So does your husband. I can hardly write or think about you anymore because my heart is broken by how much I used to seriously love the both of you (I was in high school and college during the Clinton years.) You say you've got 35 years of "making change" behind you, but I think that when you say "making change" you mean turning American dollars into coins from helping to ship more American jobs overseas with your awful corporate-backed trade deals. I seem to remember you totally failing to reform our health care while kicking tons of poor people off of welfare. (And then the Republican-backed but Clinton-lead NAFTA robbed them of their opportunity.) And now you and Bill and your gallery of surrogate Roves are poisoning our discourse with passive/agressive racism and lies and turning me ever more cynical. But while I think it might actually be beneficial to see if Obama's capable of fighting the actual Karl Rove by testing him against your Microtrends dude and the other seedy characters your campaign is associated with, I really don't think it's worth the price of throwing Bill's legacy in the toilet. Which is what you both are doing when you lie in public. But anyhow, I won't bother to ask anymore questions about your questionable leadership in the Senate, or Lieberman/Kyl, because I have no faith in your leadership. None at all. And you lie in public. Ew.
And John Edwards. I love you, man. I love that you're forcing our "play-it-safe" celebrity candidates to actually talk about issues and direct the debate to where it matters. But you voted for the Iraq war. Along with Chris Dodd, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton. At that point in time, you were a Bad Senator. Why should a Bad Senator get a promotion? But that's not the only reason why I haven't yet decided to back you up or root for you. You totally failed to take down Dick Cheney in your debate with him. It was awful. You're a highly skilled trial lawyer, and the Vice President of the United States was sitting there telling lies every time he opened his mouth, and your ability to combat that was dreadful. You either got shy in his slithery presence (I can see how the stench of brimstone might make you too nausious to think fast), or you just didn't do your homework, or you felt like you could rely on the press and the post-debate spin to do you favors and set the record straight (which would be also been awful judgment). But it totally sucked, and I don't think I'm ready to watch you debate another deranged Conservative, for fear that you might act weak again. I'm not sure I have the stomach for it.
I refuse to endorse or back up anyone right now. I think I've donated to probably all of your campaigns, and I'll do my part to try and get any of you elected when you get the nomination, but so far, none of you impress me enough to earn my support. Try harder, damn it. I'm crying out for your leadership.
The biggest disappointment of our lives is that Al Gore didn't run this time.