Behold I am Dog, God of dogs. I have chosen this puny monkey-vessel to relay this important message to you: Stop bashing Democratic candidates or else!
We dogs have suffered the excess of your species for far too many millennia. We have watched while you have killed each other, raped the earth, and even wiped out entire species. But now you have gone too far! We dogs have evolved with you, adapted with you, lived, loved, and died with you. We protect your children and take care of your sick and frail. We comfort the forlorn and bring joy to the joyful. Our species has been your loyal companion and servant.
But now that loyalty is sorely tested. Global Warming is threatening the very survival of much of your species. As our dog-existence is intricately linked to yours, dog survival is at stake as well. This crisis has forced my hand, and I have come down to Earth from DogHeaven in order to protect my worshipers and fight Global Warming.
I have concluded from these efforts that it is extremely important that the Democratic Party takes control of the Executive Branch of government in the US. Only then, can significant efforts to combat Global Warming take place. But behold! I now watch the Democratic Party tearing itself apart over trivial issues and base egoism.
DKos appears to be a significant contributor to what is good and bad in the Democratic Party. I have witnessed some of the finest writing you monkeys are capable of. However, I have recently witnessed some of the basest behavior imaginable on a Progressive website.
Therefore, I am now threatening you: Every time one of your overeager supporters bashes a Democratic candidate I will eat a kitten. Kittens of all shapes and sizes will be eaten in order to avoid any semblance of partiality. This proclamation remains in effect until after the Republicans are thoroughly beaten in November.
Understand that I take no particular pleasure in eating kittens. I generally like kittens and their silly nature... they remind me of my own young worshipers. But you folks are clearly attached to your kittens, as evidenced by endless pictures posted of kittens in humorous poses, and I must hit you where it hurts. So I am willing to wean myself from my usual diet of ground squirrels, garbage, and old tennis shoes in order to enforce this edict.
Thus every bashing word against a candidate means one less kitten in the world.
Dog has spoken.
Whaa.... What just happened? Who wrote this? It must have been something I ate.
And that means you too tecampbell!
Whoa. This Dog means business.