It's a tough campaign. Pardon this departure from more serious matters.
Some years ago, Nobel author Toni Morrison revealed that Bill Clinton was America’s first Black president. In that spirit, I reveal a comparable secret: Barack Obama, if elected, would be our nation’s first Jewish president. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. The clues are everywhere....
Here are eight signs:
- His mom was a free-spirited agnostic obsessed with his education.
In my fuzzy recollection, Woody Allen's film "Take the Money and Run" shows an inept bank robber and his family being chased by the police. In the back of the careening getaway car, a central-casting Jewish mom is giving her child a reading lesson.
She was probably Barack Obama’s mom, Stanley Ann Dunham. In Dreams of my Father, Obama relates how she would wake him in the wee hours to give him extra lessons. Sound familiar? True, Dunham married a brilliant black man. So did my aunt, and she worked for the American Jewish Committee.
- His wife seems to like him, but kvetches about him in public.
They say that behind every strong Jewish man is a rather unimpressed Jewish woman who is kicking him forward. OK, I don’t know who says this. I do know that millions of Jewish women aren’t afraid to call out their husbands. Some seem to enjoy this. At first glance, Michelle Obama may look the shiksah goddess type. She actually resembles thousands of strong and successful Jewish women who were often the first to crack through glass gender ceilings.
- He is a lawyer and community activist
What could be more Jewish? He has a direct connection to Saul Alinsky no less.
- He was president of the Harvard Law Review
This gave nachas to his mother. And check out the group picture: lots of familiar faces. Harvard Law Review editors are pretty smart-—another trait often associated with us, though not always presented as an unmixed blessing.
- He taught at the University of Chicago
You don’t have to be Jewish to teach here, but in the land of Saul Bellow, Milton Friedman, and the vaunted Latka-Hamantaschen debate, you can hardly avoid it.
- He squabbles with Democratic relatives in New York
Who hasn’t? And in his case, one of the cranky relatives is Al Sharpton.
- He plays basketball at the Y.
Gentiles may not consider hoops to be Jewish. In its early days, however, the NBA was dominated by Jews. (Players were jeered as "Howies" by rude fans. Look it up.) This domination continues, now mostly at the ownership level. Israelis are crazy about basketball. Across America, legions of middle-aged Jewish men hack around lunchtime in the gym.
I've seen clips of Obama playing on You Tube. Personally, I think Irv from the Y could take him to school. Or at least Irv could have done so in 1957.
- He’s funnier than Joe Lieberman
In the year 2000, the people who brought you Lenny Bruce and Jon Stewart brought forth their first vice-presidential candidate. And he was ... less entertaining than Dick Chaney. Talk about a shonda. Barack Obama would restore the laconic humor that 3,000 years of Jewish history has so richly trained us for. Plus, he wouldn't have to look up "Laconic" in the dictionary.
I hesitate to post this decidedly tongue-in-cheek riposte. I don’t want robo-callers to ask the push-poll question: "Would it concern you to learn that Barack Obama is actually an Islamic Jewish atheist?"
And there is also evidence that Senator Obama is not Jewish, that he actually belongs to the Christian church he has attended for twenty years. If he isn’t Jewish he does embody positive stereotypes associated with us: intellect, success based on merit, commitment to social justice, self-overrated basketball skills.
With primaries approaching in Florida and elsewhere, anonymous political operatives are spreading whoppers about Obama within the Jewish community. Their calls and emails are less truthful than this essay.
In any event, Barack Obama is a lot more Jewish than the boychik who currently occupies our nation's highest office.