I was born in a small town in southeast Alabama in 1961. My father died when I was four. My mother raised my brother and I as a single parent. She worked in the cotton mills of the south until I was 13 years old. She then went to work in a nursing home as a CNA. She never made $10,000 in her life until the year before she died, which was 1992. I grew up in poverty. I grew up as a child of the civil rights era.
I have posted here before that I strongly support John Edwards. He grew up like me. We have much the same childhood experience.
I remember being too poor to have heat in the house at night. I remember dressing every morning in the only room that had heat, the kitchen. The heat was turned off as soon as we left for school. For years we did not have a car or a phone. We washed our clothes at the laundromat because the washing machine had been repossessed and we could not afford another one. We lived on the wrong side of town. I was embarrased about where I lived and the things my friends had that I didn't. We couldn't afford music lessons, or dance lessons, or any of the other extra-curricular stuff my friends were doing. When given rides home by friends parents, I had them drop me off on the corner so they would not see where I lived.
Don't get me wrong. I was raised by two wonderful women, my grandmother and my mother. They taught me I could do anything I set my mind to and that my word was my most important possession. My father was a veteran and I was taught about duty, honor, country and our responsibility to participate in the political process. I was about 5 the first time I remember my mother taking me into a voting booth with her and showing me how to pull the levers and explaining this process of voting. I had friends and went to school in one of the best school systems in the state. I don't know how my mother did it, but we always had plenty to eat and clothes to wear. Those years have left an indelible stamp on my life and the way I look at things today.
I also grew up in the turbulent 60's. Granted, most of this passed me by at the time due to my young age. But in the deep south, segregation still rears it's ugly head and I witnessed that all through my childhood. I spent two weeks each summer in the late 60's at my great uncle's dairy farm. The only other children on the place were the children of the African American "hands" who also lived there. I was not allowed to play with them. I didn't understand this. It made no sense to me. We were just kids and we wanted to play. I was familiar with the "quarters" in the town I grew up in, the area of town where most of the African American families lived. I could ride my bike all over town, but not there. While my mother gave lip service to the idea that we were all equal, I was not allowed to associate with African Americans.
I remember vividly the first time I became aware of Dr. King and the civil rights movement. I was 12 or 13 and for the first time saw film of the riots in Birmingham. You know, the ones where they turned the dogs and the fire hoses on the marchers. I was appalled. I was ashamed. This happened in MY country, in MY state, in MY lifetime.
Fast forward to my senior year in high school. In electing a homecoming court, we had two senior attendants. We were to nominate Caucasians for one and African Americans for the other. I remember thinking, "This is 1979 for crying out loud".
Today I still live in the south. I am a social worker and see families everyday challenged by poverty and discrimination. I see families without heat or adequate housing. Mothers and fathers who work full time but still can't provide enough for their families. Families who "fall through the cracks" and can't afford health insurance. Families discriminated against for the color of their skin in housing and hiring practices. Families too poor and beaten down to fight back.
Tonight I look at John Edwards and at Barack Obama. And I am torn. Both men speak to me on multiple issues. But both also reach out to my very core.
John Edwards speaks to the child in me that grew up in poverty. He strikes that chord within my soul that aches for families today who still live in poverty. I see him as a man of substance and integrity, far removed from the usual business in Washington. I think he is the best hope for our nation. But, Edwards has failed to win a primary yet, and he is falling in the polls while Obama's star is rising. I wonder if I vote for Edwards am I "wasting" my vote. I know no vote is wasted, but you know what I mean. Then there's the issue of delegates and the party platform and are FL delegates even going to be seated?
And then I look at Barack Obama. I believe him too to be a man of substance and integrity. And he strikes another chord in me from childhood. When I look at Barack, I can't help but remember the people in Birmingham when I was a child. I remember the first time I heard Dr. King say he had a dream. And I pray that I see an African American in the White House in my lifetime and Dr. King's dream realized in our nation more than it is today. It is not "white guilt" that I suffer from, just a great desire to see our nation and it's people do what is right for our minority citizens.
Is it time? Is Barack Obama the man for that time? Or is John Edwards the best choice for me?
I don't know. I vote on Tuesday. I have some soul searching to do.