Calling it a civil union, or being willing to allow the gays to pay for a lawyer to draw up contracts to protect their families is as 'civil' as asking us to sit at the back of the bus, or drink from that fountain over there. Sure, the seats are comfy and the water is wet, yet it diminishes me and mine as less than fully human.
Civil unions is a clear message that we are not worthy---it's marriage lite, without full protection or respect for our commitment to each other, leaving us and our children vulnerable to the vagaries of popular opinion.
Of course I understand why people fight it, because it weakens the arsenal of bigotry---if we call it marriage, it 'legitimizes' homosexuality. Give the blessings of government sanctioned marriage to 'the gays' and our children will grow up thinking it's, gasp, "normal". How ever will we be able to teach them 'the gays' are demons when they are registering for gifts at the china store? The most threatening thing about gay marriage is that it makes us less threatening.
I'm a Canadian woman who married the mother of her children 5 weeks after it became legal. This August 2 was our 5th anniversary, and Canada seems to have gotten the message that it's really no big deal. Certainly there is no viable political movement to overturn it. And as far as I know, no couple in Canada has divorced claiming as the reason---it just doesn't feel like we're married now that the gays are getting married too.
All the other side has to offer is false arguments:
Marriage is about procreation? What about those married couples who are childless through intent or physical inability? Should we revoke their licenses? Why do we let post menopausal women get married? Aren't they done with procreating? Besides, we did our duty, we procreated using a fertility clinic for the same reason many of the hets used it---low sperm count. If my parenthood is invalid, then what about straights who use donated sperm, or adopt their children, should their licenses be revoked?
And don't even start with the marriage belongs to religion. It started out as a civil contract, the religious overtones came later. And it has evolved as a contract, women and children are no longer chattel. And whose religion is it, anyway? My wife and were married by a United Church minister. Had we wanted to we could have had the marriage in Quebec, my in-law's Unitarian Church would have also married us. So the fundies want to deny me both my civil rights and religious freedoms! How Christian of them. Should the straights who were married in a Church that doesn't count (cause they marry the gays) have their licenses revoked?
We call it marriage because we have made the same commitment that straight couples do, we have accepted the responsibilities of marriage and enjoy the rights of marriage. And we don't want to give back the really nice frying pans. Calling it marriage does not rob anything from any other marriage, other than exclusivity----calling it something else does rob my family of respect and dignity. It sends us to the back of the bus.
And the fundies are right to be worried. We are celebrating National Coming Out Day because we recognize the power of coming out---the more of us who are out, the less threatening, and more real and normal the gays become. Coming out as a family is also important---people come face to face with how normal and fairly boring we are. My sons are surrounded by kids who don't care that they have two Moms, which is how it should be.
(For more on how the next generation, at least in my pocket of the world, is growing up in a more accepting (not tolerant, we are not tolerated, we are accepted) world, check out my diary, my son was gobsmacked, there are a number of stories in the comments that share how many kossacks' kids are growing up in a diverse world that actually does judge a person by their character alone. Plus it includes secret information on why the real danger of same sex marriage involves unicycles.)
To those of you fighting against Prop 8, I salute you----keep up the good fight, the future will be brighter if you win. And if you lose, well, it's colder up here, but we are pretty welcoming, and we have both same-sex marriage and bank regulations! And coughhealthcarecough. (Which is good, because I really am coughing these days, my doctor says it's bronchitis.)
To those of you who cannot come out because it is not safe for you to do so, know that you are not alone, and that you are valued and deserve dignity, regardless of what those around you might tell you. I hope in time you will find yourself in a safe place, physically and mentally, where you will be able to live true to yourself. Until then, know that there are millions of us rooting for you.
So, Happy National Coming Out Day, and best wishes to all of you recently or soon to be married, gay and straight. Someday the world will be big enough for all of us to live in freedom and dignity, and the world will be a better place for it.