With my short 32 years on this planet, I have been brought up to believe in the fundamental morale obligation of man for his fellow men. Respecting life, freedom, and justice for all... being open to every type of viewpoint and to help lift those that need a voice in a smothering society. That is why I registered Democrat when I became eligible to vote. And I have been a Democrat ever since.
But imagine my surprise today when I received a plain white envelope with bold red "EMERGENCY NOTICE" from none other but our cobalt blue friend, "John McCain" emblazoned in the upper left hand corner. Flipping the envelope over I see that it is from the RNC Victory 2008 offices at 310 First Street, S.E. in Washington D.C. Looking once more at the plastic window I see my name, let me repeat that, MY NAME! Oh but surely there must be someone else in this town with my name... oh but no no it is my name and MY ADDRESS!
Have I been living a double life? Developing a split personality where the Democratic soul was pushed aside and Republican shadow of my former self acted on its own while I slept or blanked out for an extended period of time? No, I can remember every moment as if looking into a crystal that displays the script of my life. No that can't be it. Needless to say my curiosity was prodded into action.
Opening the envelope revealed a return envelope with very important bold letters saying "EMERGENCY MEMBERSHIP CONTRIBUTION ENCLOSED PROCESS IMMEDIATELY" with the kind little notification that I must supply my own first class stamp because I would be I would be saving the RNC some much needed funds. In addition to this very serious looking return envelope was the 2008 Emergency Membership Statement requesting $35 dollars. But the treasure of the envelope was the personal message to me from John McCain.
Here is what it said:
John McCain
Wednesday Morning
Actually it is Saturday, but I cannot seriously fault you there John. One cannot do much about the slowness of the postal service, maybe if this was directed to my email address I would have received it in a timely manner.
Dear Friend,
Wow, I'm John McCain's FRIEND! Awesome. You are winning me over so far buddy!
We've reached a critical juncture in the campaign. The Obama Democrats and their left-wing, special interest allies have come together in a united front, combining their enormous fundraising arsenal
Huh, fund raising arsenal... why I did give to Obama, so I suppose the common low paid American is a special interest ally to the Obama Democrats. Hmm you are losing that trust that friends share there John. But I'm fair minded I'll let you play that card, just because we are FRIENDS... I want to see what you are trying to get across.
Meanwhile,
oh this is like a story, meanwhile... in a far off sector of the galaxy maybe... Please continue!
the national Democrats led by Chairman Howard Dean are stepping up their cynical campaign of distortions and outright lies, and with the help of their cronies, like MoveOn.org, are raising staggering amounts of money.
Wow seriously cronies... I haven't seen that in awhile. But let me get this straight, we are friends John and you know I'm a Democrat. But apparently you are surmounted from all sides by these nefarious enemies... who apparently I am one of. But I'm your friend! You introduced your letter as if I was a bosom buddy - like Anne Shirley and Diana Barry! But I don't remember Anne or Diana calling one a crony. Maybe he's received too many emails from MoveOn.org - they do send a lot of stuff out if you sign up with them. Okay John I'll let that crap slide, we are friends but listen seriously the hate about my Party needs to stop.
My friend, the last thing we Republicans can afford is to have our hands tied behind our backs due to the fact that their candidate broke his promise to the American people and refused the presidential campaign spending limit - which means they will have no limit as to what they can raise and spend.
Ok, John... can I call you John? I'm not Republican, I have my voter registration card right here, I'm Democrat. And I've made calls to make sure I am registered Democrat. Who told you I was Republican? And this crap about about someone's campaign breaking a promise to the American people refusing the presidential campaign spending limit... what the hell are you talking about? I am seriously having doubts about this friendship you want from me.
We simply cannot be in a situation where the Democrats hold a huge financial advantage over us in the last crucial month leading up to the elections. That's why I'm writing to you today, as a most valued and trusted member of our Party.
Ok, John... look I'm not part of your Party, never was a valued member of the Republican Party. Maybe I should check that envelope and see if it was my name... Well yeah that's my name and address... but for some reason John you really think I'm part of your Party. I'm not, I'm a Democrat, but does that mean we can't be friends? What is it you want John?
Your support is essential right now.
I do like supporting people, like that family that my Church helped house and find a job to make it through their rough patch after Katrina, so yes I am supportive of a good cause. But if I remember correctly John you were eating cake with Bush during that little crisis - not that I'm faulting you John, but I suppose I'm bitter about you calling my Party a bunch of liars from earlier. We are friends so you must forgive me, let me allow you to continue.
So please send in a generous Emergency Membership Contribution of $35, $50, $100, $500 or even more if you can afford it.
Well I gathered you wanted money from that little slip I noticed earlier - but seriously you are going to have to really work hard for this money. The Economy is crap right now, and again I'm a little bitter to the Republican Party for getting us into this mess, I am hard pressed to part with my money unless this is truly a good cause.
The RNC's Victory 2008 has set a daunting fundraising goal of $30 million in the next 15 days. I know it's an ambitious goal. But together we can - we must - meet this challenge.
Wow, seriously $30 million in the next 15 days? That's a lot of money John, you must be hurting buddy. But you are, sorry to say, really wealthy couldn't you flip the bill? I only have a tiny house, two mortgages that I'm working through to keep my family afloat during these trying times. Don't you have like 7 houses? Am I wrong?
I would not ask for your healp if the circumstances were not so dire. However, it is clear that the weeks and days ahead will be the most important yet in our battle to defeat the Democrats and their deeply flawed policies that embrace higher taxes,more government spending, socialized medicine and surrender in Iraq.
Okay frist off John, Obama plans on giving a tax break to the middle class and raising the taxes for those that can actually afford it - and like I said I'm hurting here financially with the way the Economy has clunked on us. And if I remember correctly the past 8 years has seen the biggest increase in government spending - and that's all due to your Republican Party. Socialized medicine? What's wrong with that? I mean I was in an accident in England (when the Economy was wonderful) and frankly their medical system was fantastic! I don't see a problem with socialized medicine at all - in fact I think it is high time America had some form of Universal Health Care.
Surrender in Iraq... okay now look this is a sore spot for me, I lost two good friends because of this war. I'm not alone, I know families torn apart because of this mismanaged war effort. Frankly, we all didn't see the point of the war because our enemies where in Afghanistan. Bush for some reason wanted to right a past wrong and took us into a country that had nothing to do with that horrible attack on 9/11 - which btw your Party will not let me forget about. How many friends have been touched by that day and the events that followed? Countless it seems. But two of my friends. Two of my friends, who served this country with honor where shipped out, and fought for this country. And when they were pushed into Iraq, my two Democratic friends died... and they did not go there to conquer they went there to be Liberators. But now, you talk of surrendering Iraq. Look buddy, Iraq needs to step up now, so we can bring our brave soldiers home. That's not surrendering. And frankly I'm offended with your mindless warmongering suggestion that this war must continue until some kind of 'winning' situation occurs. And the fact that Bush lied to the American people about the reason going to Iraq, yeah okay that bites deep. It bites deep that protection our brave soldiers had was insignificant too. So don't talk to me about surrender John - because to me the Republicans surrendered the lives of good men and women for a cause that was not in America's best interest.
But continue I'll try to calm myself down from your little Iraq comment.
From this point in time forward - in order to get out our message of truth to all Americans, register historic numbers of voters, and remain competitive in every state and every district,we must match the Democrats' fundraising efforts. And we cannot do this - we cannot fight back against the Democrats and their liberal allies- without your immediate help.
I'm not a Republican... and what is your message? Other than calling my Party a pack of liars? What truth are you talking about? You better clarify that statement. Because frankly you have been rather loose with the truth John the past few months.
Our national grassroots campaign is a massive undertaking - we are all aware of the Democrats' financial advantage at this stage of the battle - that is why we must fight to keep the playing field as even as possible.
Today I hope you will stand with us in this struggle by rushing an Emergency Membership Contribution of $35, $50, $100 or even $500, to RNC Victory 2008 as soon as you can. Thank you for your steadfast support of our Party and our country.
That's it? You want me to contribute after insulting me and then saying I have 'steadfast' support in the Republican Party? Oh and don't think I didn't notice that you put Party first before Country. Not to mention when you referred to our Country that you put it in lower case... Yeah, I'm sorry John but you better have a P.S. that apologizes and doesn't point out how much money the RNC needs, and gives me some info about this "Truth" you want to spread to America.
Sincerely,
John McCain
Oh I see a P.S. but I wanted to say John, really you need to stop using a thick cobalt blue Sharpie to sign your signature. It's so thick, and childish.
P.S. I'm counting on your immediate help to strengthen our Republican Party efforts in the critical days ahead. Please make an Emergency Membership Contribution of at least $35, $50, $100 or even $500, to RNC Victory 2008 today. Thank You.
That is all you have to say John? Well I'm sorry I'm not going to help you out. I'm not a member of the Republican Party, and I'm not going to help them. You didn't sell me. And frankly this was a hateful letter to someone you wanted support from who just so happened to be a Democrat.